Sunday, June 29, 2003
tomorrow is my physics exam! i hope falling down on my knees to pray will help me get an A! i also hope falling down on my knees to pray won't make me injure my knees. on tuesday i will go into the exam hall knowing absolutely nothing about biology! can i get a hooray over here? good luck to everybody unlucky enough to be taking this exam! and get well soon to gen who was sitting in the hospital twelve hours ago reading Glamour while i was reading my nuclear physics notes. if what she was down with was contagious i would have gotten my ass over there real quick and given her a big hug.

| mando | 8:39 AM


Saturday, June 28, 2003
today i went to macdonalds to eat breakfast and to put some physics into my head. at the next table there was an old man who was sitting with a woman reading the papers. then the woman got up and went away. and the old man continued to loudly tell his imaginary friend sitting across from him about the news for today. "hey, listen to this. SIA is laying off more people! can you imagine? oh, and the local insanity rate is up. golly, who knew?" that and i also had to listen to an old song called "brimful of asha" on the radio and i almost started laughing to myself when the singer got to the part where they repeatedly insisted that "everyone needs a bosom for a pillow, everyone needs a bosom. everyone needs a bosom for a pillow, everyone needs a bosom". what a disturbing morning. i don't think i know any physics yet.

| mando | 4:30 AM


Thursday, June 26, 2003
training camp is over! for three days we ran around a lot and we sprinted around a lot and we piggybacked each other around the track a lot. huixian and me piggybacked each other while singing motivational songs like "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming".

a very macho huixian piggybacking me!

we also beat each other up a lot. until the end of day 3, i was the only girl left without any major injuries. i suppose falling down on my knees every night and praying for protection actually protected me quite a fair bit. the others had injured knees and elbows and ligaments and ankles and they were still trying their darndest to injure each other even more! that is true willpower.

and we also crawled around on our forearms a lot. ghim has very speedy forearms and finished all his crawling and started on a few rounds of thrashing across the mats before i was halfway through my last round. i hate crawling around on my forearms. it makes you have considerably less elbow then when you started.

and we also spent the three days chugging HtwoO and 100plus. the vending machine in RI didn't even have time to go "clank clank gee, i'm pretty hungr-" before he was stuffed up with coins.

we endorse 100plus! the wonderful drink with all the constituents of human sweat!

and we had to yell a lot while throwing each other around and run around avoiding puddles of sweat. on the third day my shoulder realised that it hadn't been hurting for awhile and that i was starting to neglect it so it started to hurt so that i would give it some attention. when we had almost reached the end of the camp i made the unwise decision of throwing someone on my hand during a fight and i bent it in a funny position and it hurts to write. which is excuse #21032 for me not to study. when it ended i was very happy because our last training camp was over, then i was very sad because our last training camp was over, then i was so confused that i started bawling. then i stopped bawling when hanlong came over to give us all cans of 100plus! then we took a bunch of sweaty pictures to celebrate being sweaty for three days.

caroline trying a leapfrog!

little ones being all happy and stuff!

the powerful judo girls and mr tan and mr eng!

then we had a barbeque and we were all busily barbequing food for people that we didn't realise there wasn't much food left for us! so some of us went to forage for food and we discovered a pile of bananas left over from lunch! it was like being on survivor : RI! this judo camp was all kinds of fun!

lots of thanks to my partner in pain huixian for being so wonderful about flinging around my massive bulk these two years and for letting me fling her around and give her all kinds of pain. hooray for our captains caroline and luohan for always shouting "go girls!" and being so strong and encouraging. and whoohoo for everyone in the team! the strongest bunch of girls and guys i've ever known!

| mando | 9:12 AM


Monday, June 23, 2003
the first day of training camp is over! my limbs are still intact! hallelujah! i was going to eat chocolate as comfort food but i realised that i am too tired to walk down the stairs to get it. i hope all of us survive long enough to get to day 3, which is barbeque day! our coach mr tan has a restaurant so he does good chicken wings. go girls! go judokas!

my wall clock is slow and it's losing minutes by the minute. two weeks ago it was five minutes slow. yesterday it was half an hour slow. today i come home and look at the clock and realise that training supposedly hadn't even ended yet. but i'm too tired to climb up there and change the batteries. so tomorrow i will have to wake up at 4am by my wall clock.

| mando | 6:28 AM


Saturday, June 21, 2003
today was an eventful day at church when i had my first falling down when a pastor prays for you experience! exciting! i feel like a changed woman! luckily they had people running around to catch falling congregation members because the floor is very hard. they should make that into a flash game like on catch the falling devotee! the pastor was very exciting because he was from columbia and he was all spanish and stuff and he gave his entire sermon in spanish while a big interpreter guy followed him around while gesturing wildly. it was a good audience participaty sermon. i learned two new spanish words. "corazon" means "heart" and "areeba" means "up there". does "aruba" mean "down there"? hmm.

i just gave my hamsters to esther because i have absolutely no time to make the cage smell unoffensive. i know she'll give them a good home. and i hope the cat doesn't eat them. or at least doesn't eat the one that didn't use to chew my fingers to shreds. when i have the time after exams, what i really want is a rabbit of huggable size. i was quite dissatisfied by the relative unhuggability of my hamsters. my cousin just got a black rabbit cub. unfair!

tomorrow judo camp starts. i expect not to have much of a spine left by wednesday. i will keep praying desperately for my survival.

| mando | 9:39 PM


being the uninformed schlub that i am, i just found out that gregory peck passed on last week when i read the last page in time magazine. i always loved how he played atticus "hero to everyone with a shred of human emotion" finch in "to kill a mockingbird" but i had no idea that he was actually playing himself. apparently gregory peck was one of the most decent, honourable, modest and well-loved men in hollywood (who are now all extinct). his character atticus finch was named the #1 hero on the american film institute's list. we watched to kill a mockingbird in sec2 in literature class. you almost never see a middle aged man in big glasses with a little pot belly making a roomful of teenage girls with pictures of brad pitt in their wallets fall in love with him.

"america, stand up. gregory peck has passed on."

| mando | 5:15 AM


Friday, June 20, 2003
my american auntie is flying over to surprise my grandma on her birthday! nobody tell my grandma. actually telling her would be harder because she can't really hear you. anyway since she's coming over, its think-what-you-want-from-the-states time for me! i've been making a list since her last visit but i seem to have lost it or my mother must have found it and thought i was being too demanding and flushed it down the toilet or something. so now i'm looking through jenny's website again to rediscover all my selfish materialistic desires. so i spent the past day celebrating american capitalism and ingenuity! i love america. they come up with weird things like this cool asian takeout purse from archie mcphee.

unfortunately cool american stuff costs big american dollars. when my birthday comes around i hope someone casually browses through my archives and realises that i'm not a girl who has everything. i'm a girl who has everything except this cool little purse thing. and capitalism also produces kiddie gym equipment (buff little kids bench pressing multicoloured weights) and overpriced furniture for kids like this.

or this pig catapult which if it were a little bigger could potentially be used to attack malaysia. oops.

| mando | 8:30 AM


Thursday, June 19, 2003
today is xingning's birthday! happy birthday xingning! she wanted a surfer dude for her birthday but i think she's probably able to snare one for herself so i didn't import one from australia. she probably wouldn't be able to understand what he said anyway. anyway when i wished her happy birthday today she said thank you and gave me a bimbo chest thrust! i got a chest thrust from the birthday girl! i feel so honoured. anyway xingning hope you get even smarter and prettier and all that good stuff and now you can get into clubs without being chased by big hairy bouncer guys to harry's! i'm so happy for you!

| mando | 8:11 AM


Wednesday, June 18, 2003
today i am in some more pain! i hate having my butt hurt because the butt is probably the most overused part of the body. sitting down is pretty tough now. anyway to comfort ourselves after all the pain, the judo girls went to eat sakae sushi buffet! the four big ones managed to finish 35 or so plates, and we four smaller ones demolished 40 plates in one and a half hours! i suppose that settles my breakfast lunch and dinner for the next year or so. we realised that all the good stuff was hidden deep in the heart of the sakae sushi menu so we kept pestering the staff with orders and eventually all of them started hiding from us at the other end of the restaurant and avoiding eye contact. luohan and caroline tired their arms out with waving at them to ask for more soba noodles. every time the staff came to clear our tower of empty plates huiyi kept going "no! no!" violently because our sense of achievement was all in the tower of empty plates. a nice skinny waiter kindly helped us count the number of plates when he cleared our table. anyway i think dehan's theory about getting drunk on sushi is kinda true because mingli started getting very red in the face and laughing a lot when they hit their 30th plate. i think the rice from all the sushi ferments in your stomach and becomes sake.

anyway today is my brother's birthday! whee! he's 15 years old and we went out for a nice birthday lunch. unfortunately i threw half of that up during training. happy birthday roy!

| mando | 6:21 AM


Monday, June 16, 2003
today i went to macdonalds to study instead of starbucks in case the starbucks guy thought i may be stalking him. luckily today macdonalds didn't smell as much like the toilet as it normally does! and i ran into suchang and his girlfriend who had been studying for three hours already before i even got there! i feel very inadequate. anyway suchang was very encouraging about me studying for common tests by saying motivating things like "wahh your chemistry so difficult! how to study? aiyohh! aiyohh!". man do i feel empowered now.

| mando | 6:07 AM


Saturday, June 14, 2003
yesterday i spent almost two hours watching "my sassy girl" on tv and all i got from those two hours was that even if a pretty girl is an unstable, drunkard, psychopathic maneater who likes to punch out her boyfriend in public and issues him death threats at an average rate of 2 per minute, apparently guys are still willing to "heal her hurt and sorrow" by letting her bitchslap them on the subway and chase her around while wearing her pumps. when the sassy/psychotic girl started dating her pushover boyfriend, i kept yelling at the tv "run away! flee! flee while you still can!". then i waited two hours for him to start taking my advice and commence the fleeing but all he did was take more abuse then sit under a big tree sadly looking at a big egg. this is exactly why i only watch american movies. but i liked the (also) unstable runaway soldier who tried to commit suicide by sticking his rifle down his throat and then gagging on it because the barrel was too long. hee!

| mando | 11:08 PM


i just had two training days in a row! which means that i am in pain again! and i will put you in pain by making you read all about me bellyache about how i am in lots of pain! the worst part about the pain is that my shoulder hurts which makes it really difficult to lift my spoon to my mouth to eat my nice macaroni salad dinner. and by making the highly intelligent move of slamming my own face into the floor i shaved off some of my upper lip. which made eating lunch which was fish saturated with lemon juice one huge ouch.

anyway i was watching animal hospital on animal planet with my dad yesterday and i saw this huge bald beardy beefy dude start bawling when his dog had to be put to sleep. he's the kind of guy whose biceps are too big for any kind of sleeves so he has to wear tank tops, which also help him expose his nice tattoo that says "crusher". and then after his dog died, he brought in one of his bunnies to see the vet. huge bald beefy dude with the "crusher" tattoo has a bunny. named little bunny foo foo. maybe the rock has a hamster named fluffykins. and maybe his "crusher" tattoo is actually dedicated to his other bunny whose name is really "crushersmusherwiddybuns".

| mando | 5:50 AM


Friday, June 13, 2003
today i didn't have lunch so i was eating a chicken pie in the car when we passed this nice looking guy on a bicycle. we were passing very slowly so he looked at me and i looked at him and it would have been a very romantic moment if i didn't look like a retard with chicken pie crumbs all over my face.

| mando | 4:11 AM


Thursday, June 12, 2003
University of Pennsylvania
You were a hard-working wannabe cool kid, and now
you are at the Ivy Leage equivalent of a rich,
suburban high school, and all of the kids used
to be too hard-working to be cool, so now you
all pretend to be cool together. As long as
Daddy keeps sending you money and you keep that
coke habit in check, you're degree will mean
something someday, even if none of your classes

Which Ivy League University is right for YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

its nice that this is exactly where i want to go but probably can't afford to. maybe i should print this out and include this in my college applications to prove that this is the school that's right for me. After all, it comes from an extremely reliable source. "this quiz means U penn is my destiny!" then maybe i could make it like a musical birthday card, but the sound would be my pitiful sobbing begging them to let me into U penn.

| mando | 4:21 AM


Wednesday, June 11, 2003
my mother just found out that our highly educated domestic assistant knows how to play the piano. my musical capabilities extend as far as the recorder, the tinwhistle, and mary had a little lamb in C minor. she's finished university. i'm struggling to pass my A levels. something is very wrong with this whole picture. i should grab the broom from her tomorrow and ask her to ingest the entire biochemistry book.

| mando | 6:47 AM


Tuesday, June 10, 2003
today my maid finn went home after slaving away for us for three years. even though she managed to drain my monetary resources for awhile by exploring my cash hideyhole, i think i'm going to miss her. our new maid iza apparently graduated from bible college because i saw all her mortar board and diploma pictures. her dad sent her here to work to raise money to build him a church. there really have got to be better ways to raise money to build your dad a church. maybe they could ask for some money from the overfunded courage fund. anyway it is very weird to have someone with more education than you cook you some chicken and sweep you some floors. since she's more educated than me maybe i should start referring to her as our domestic assistant.

anyway i bought some finding nemo plasters today! now i can cover my bloody wounds with cute little fishes and get allergic reactions from the inorganic latex that they use to make the plasters! hooray!

| mando | 5:56 AM


Monday, June 09, 2003
today we all went to eat sakae sushi buffet! our coach lied to us about it being a short training session, so i had only one hour at the sushi place to eat 8 plates worth of sushi. through the collective effort of my stomach and xingning's stomach (who didn't actually pay for the buffet) i think i managed to get 14 bucks worth! i think. unfortunately i think i've already digested it and am now looking for something else to eat. metabolism, please feel free to go up anytime soon. xingning and me were feeling quite bad about eating fish roe because of finding nemo so we promised the eggs that we would never let anything happen to them and then we ate them quickly so they would travel to fish nirvana quickly and painlessly.

now all my limbs and joints are hurting in various places. i wish we weren't learning how to kick people. i dont know which side of my body i'm going to sleep on tonight.

| mando | 7:36 AM


Sunday, June 08, 2003
yesterday i went to eat suckling pig and all that stuff with my great big extended family which totalled 6 families in all! i think chinese dinners are just a way to display your wonderful chinese manners. like nobody makes a move to take the first piece of cold dish until everyone has told everyone else to take the first piece of cold dish. and then people keep offering everyone else the last piece of suckling pig while saying "no no i don't like suckling pig! i'm saving myself for all the other dishes which coincidentally i don't like either and will still offer you the last piece of!". and my dad kept putting his food on my plate which i kept putting back on his plate. i think chinese dinners are the only time that really good food feels unwanted. poor good food. and my mom and me decided to peel prawns for each other. i think she got a lousy deal because she's very good at prawn peeling but the prawns she ate all ended up looking like they had multiple lobotomies.

and on saturday i went to kenneth's party! and i couldn't play this intellectual stock market board game because i had too many strawberry daiquiris. this is just a coverup because even when stone cold sober, i play intellectual games like a midget in the NBA. xingning almost took over wall street despite emptying half a bottle of kenneth's cherry liquor. at the party i managed to make friends with kenneth's dog who is too fat to walk down the stairs by himself. with everything i've been eating i think i'm catching up with him real quick!

| mando | 6:27 PM


Friday, June 06, 2003
today me and jianyang and xingning and jianbang went to find nemo! i managed to laugh myself into a headache. they should put a health warning on the poster. caution! not suitable for the seizure-prone or the easily amused. the turtles act like they've been smoking something all day and the fish dad reminds me of my own dad, just that my own dad is a little less orange. does anyone else think its mildly insensitive for lido to promote finding nemo with a big tropical fish tank? when jianyang and xingning saw the fish tank they started getting very excited about bashing on the sides. i wanted to bash on the sides too but i was afraid that one of the tropical fish would jump out of the tank using the "ring of fire" and start bouncing up and down on my head.

and today i played the most violent handball game of my life! for the first round i was very docile and just kept running all over the place without causing major injuries. then when we were resting up before the second round, miss lim told us that handball was "a contact sport of sorts". i think that was the exact phrase that hit the jihad button and i started jumping out in front of people and being violent. i will go and stand in the corner now and reflect on how it is not good to make people be in pain.

yesterday we went to cold storage to buy food for serendipity! we were one of the 4 classes who brought food to feed supposedly half the j2 population. i think i know how the boy with the couple of fish and the couple of loaves in the bible felt, except he didn't have to worry about people eating up all his food before he got his two bucks worth of dinner because jesus was around and everything. luckily bang ran off with a whole black pepper chicken for us before anyone got their hands on it!

you are dory. Nemos friend and a royal blue tang.
You are friendly and will talk to anyone. Your
only weakness is your short term memory loss

what character from finding nemo are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i tested positive for bimbo fish!


What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

| mando | 5:11 AM


Wednesday, June 04, 2003
today i had a disastrous gp paper! at first i thought i was writing a nice deep and meaningful philosophical essay about "science has become firmly established as the new religion of the 21st century". then i realised that i was just writing about how science is and isn't like a religion to people of the 21st century and not how it is THE new religion, not A new religion. one word makes a whole big bunch of difference! i think i'm getting progressively stupider. maybe my telomeres are getting shorter like how i wrote in my supposedly nice deep and meaningful philosophical essay. i bet the people who took my "gp tips" are kicking themselves now.

anyway while researching for gp today xingning told me that the only people on the planet who have never ever fought a war are the eskimos. apparently they're too far away for anyone to want to fight with them. i suppose they could always fight themselves. eskimos have fish. asterix and obelix are always slapping each other with fish.

| mando | 7:57 AM


Monday, June 02, 2003
we had a nice man called professor amitabh lath come in and talk to us about physics! he was a nice professor guy from america with a weird name and he talked to us about particle mechanics and nuclear physics and told us about the plum pudding model which looked more like a chocolate chip cookie model, and about how rutherford destroyed the plum pudding model. bad rutherford! i was actually listening to the entire lecture! a rare phenomenon. its probably the accent. i think if i studied in an american college i would top the class and be best friends with the dean. our physics teachers who listened to the lecture looked like they were having their eyes opened for the first time. i hope they all rush out to buy "american phoenetics" today.

| mando | 6:39 AM


Sunday, June 01, 2003
today on gilmore girls the gilmore girls ate four thanksgiving dinners. i think they have more stomachs than a whole field of cows. anyway lane has finally gotten her first kiss! the dude put up with playing hymns on the guitar for five hours straight while not eating thanksgiving dinner and he still likes her! i think having stalin for a mom is helping lane filter out all the crappy boys and she's getting straight to the good stuff. god bless lane!
DAVE: We’ll put it towards our first real date.
LANE: Really? After all this – the marathon hymns, the weak punch, the crabby Koreans, you still want to go out on a date with me?

i forgot to tell you that when i bought some nice yellow gerberas for my grandma yesterday, a strange indian man molested my flowers while i was waiting for my mother to come out of the 1.99 shop. he just started poking my flowers and asking me how much they were and i was trying to use my willpower to fling him away from my flowers but it didn't work. luckily i managed to fluff them back to normalcy. my poor bruised flowers are now standing in a nice vase on the coffee table and my grandma is very happy with them because she doesn't know that they've been outraged.

| mando | 6:17 AM


daniel the yoda
isaac the prawn
judo girls
nat koh
nat lee
qiumei the bunny
ruxin the penguin
victor tan
zhongyang the sheep

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