Monday, August 30, 2004
today i spent my afternoon in the anatomy museum full of preserved body parts trying to differentiate nerves from each other. at the end of two hours i managed to stick names to a couple of them, which is at least tons better than calling them "stringy thing number one" and "stringy thing number two". and you would think that studying in a roomful of disembodied limbs would be good for you, right? because traditionally it is known that sitting at a table surrounded by shriveled heads stimulates one's brain. er. maybe in the tradition of an ancient cannibalistic tribe. instead i think it is going to give me horrific nightmares of floating shrunken heads yelling at me "don't you know what comes after the median nerve? stupid! you're stupid! go! go and clean longkang!"

then during practical the professor got so exasperated with us and realised that taking us to the anatomy museum to look at specimens would be more productive than slapping her forehead and going "oh my god." so we got herded up to the museum and started clustering around various shoulders and elbows in glass cases. because people at the back couldn't see too good, every time we moved on to a new specimen the people at the front would fall to their knees, as if in awe and wonder at the radiant beauty of the elbow joint! it was like doing the stations of the cross in the hall of preserved hands! never again will i witness such a touching and marvellous spectacle! that is, until we move on to legs. and livers. and kidneys and brains and buttocks and eyeballs. gee it sure sounds like i should get a set of kneepads.



| mando | 6:23 AM

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Friday, August 27, 2004
is is the last day of school! this week i have been to school a total of 3 times! this is cause for happiness and much dancing and maybe the sacrifice of a small animal. today after the last class of the day we learned how to sing the medicine anthem! we sang it loud. we sang it clear. we sang it with the passion and fervour that can only be inspired by the desire to faster run away and eat lunch. but i guess it is nice that we have an anthem and we have something to hum cheerfully to ourselves many years down the road as we are slicing open innocent patients with engorged livers.

yesterday kianleong left for michigan university! his suitcase shows that he has mastered the art of surviving in two sets of clothes for one year. unless he intends to wear the maggie mee that fills the bulk of his suitcase, i guess he will be buying a lot of american clothes! so many of our flock are running away to chew on greener pastures with nicer weather and hot members of the opposite sex! anyway take care of yourself kwek and have a fantastic year studying in michigan and come back soon with an american accent and a blonde girlfriend! i think i need a tissue.




the soon to be angmorified kianleong and samuel kwek!




my little jiayan's all grown up and going to practice liberal artyfartiness in new york! home to the mtv headquarters and the shitty show of david letterman!




me trying to make full use of jiayan's long and huggable arms before they fly away to columbia



| mando | 4:34 AM

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Sunday, August 22, 2004
yesterday we had a dinner and dance to celebrate all things medirooney. muchomucho thanks to gwenda who charitably lent us her boombastic dresses! we went to gwenda's house and decided to blind her by walking around her room in our underwear trying on all her dresses. her eyes must be three sizes too big and very swelly right now. almost everyone was dressed in black and it was a good thing it wasn't too dark or we would have been bashing into each other and as a rule being human pinballs is not good! i won something during the lucky draw! i won a weird clock and a strangely shaped mercury thermometer. and everyone knows that a mercury thermometer comes in really handy in a tropical country where the temperature fluctuates masssively from day to day! now with my new handydandy strangely shaped mercury thermometer, i can leap joyfully out of bed in the morning and bound towards the thermometer and yell "it is now 29 degrees!" and the next day i can yell "it is 29 degrees again!" and the day after that i can yell "hell it is now 29.5 degrees! dang this weather sure is getting crazy these days!". but i am happy with my free gifts, because as the great benjamin franklin once said, free things are good. actually benjamin franklin didn't really say that, but i thought it would sound more impressive if i said that he said it.

the carpenters have finished banging away at my walls and generating enough dust to reclaim enough coasts of singapore to join up with australia! i now have no more tables, a brand new bookshelf, nowhere to sleep, and little piles of sawdust all over the place. but ooh! lookie over there! wha- it's a, by golly, its a television! i now have a little miracle box in my room in which happy little people dance around and sing songs and shoot people and commit soap opera adulteries!



| mando | 7:19 AM

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Tuesday, August 17, 2004
we went for a free hoobastank concert on saturday with free tickets courtesy of some bank whose name i can't differentiate from all the other banks with 3 letter abbreviations. it was fun! we got herded into the back area like goats ready for the milking and wayne zhongyang and isaac tried to build a sandpile to stand on so that they could see something. a beach is a cool but itchy place to have a concert because me and caroline were walking around trying to discreetly shake the sand out of the ass of our pants without looking like we had severe piles or were trying to dance like strippers. two local bands opened for hoobastank, and throughout the hour that they played, the lead singer of the first band kept yelling "hoobastank is at the back! give it up for hoobastank!" hoobastank was standing around at the back keeping their fans waiting for two hours? at the back of where, a hill in afghanistan? eventually hoobastank came out. and the music was played. and the hooba was awesome. unfortunately the view from my angle wasn't so awesome because apparently the entire singapore hoobaloving population is made up of giraffes. we were trapped behind this barrier, and beyond the barrier was miles and miles of space and a clear view of the hot sweaty body of the hoobastank lead singer. lordy that didn't sound one bit pervy. the lead singer kept hinting to us to jump the barrier, but the crowd control consisting of 5 policemen came out and somehow managed to keep the audience of a couple hundred people behind the barrier using pure eye power! at the last song we finally realised that the couple of hundred people could probably step all over the policemen and we all started running towards the stage like lepers running towards jesus! i had a really good view of the hot body for about thirty seconds before a girl on her boyfriend's shoulders moved in front of me leaving me to enjoy the last song of the set while staring at her butt. i am considering putting girls with strong boyfriends on my 'top 10 things to be annoyed about' list.


by random aiming, i managed to capture a bunch of enthusiastic hands and the bassist whose name i do not know!

i bought my skeleton! it's tall and imposing and i have called it wally. wally's arm is now lying across my table patting my grumpy bear on the head. when i'm less busy i think i'll walk around the house patting people on the shoulder with the arm.



| mando | 3:55 AM

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Thursday, August 12, 2004
today after school i went to the long bar at raffles hotel to join my aunt and cousin for cocktails! the long bar is a pretty cool colonial type bar designed to make tourists pull out their cameras and take photos from every imaginable angle. the door is guarded by a giant ceramic peanut. which other bar can say they have that? they put a bowl of peanuts on each table and as you demolish the bowl of peanuts and release all sorts of evil fattiness into your system, you're allowed to fling peanut shells anywhere you want! so we flung those shells, and dude, my whole life i have been missing out on so much peanut shell flinging i don't know how i ever got by! people also sometimes fling peanuts, and so a bunch of cute little sparrows fly in through the windows and around the bar and start eating off the floor. let's hear it girls! awwww. my auntie was tempted by the 30 dollar raffles hotel long bar satay platter which you could get at east coast lagoon for 10 bucks, but we managed to restrain her with more peanut flinging.

as some people have noticed and called up to laugh at me, i have a one second feature on singapore idol. in the wise words of daniel chor, it is a blink and you'll miss it thing, and unfortunately for me he didn't blink! although the lighting does nothing for my complexion, i am proud to say that i am on the same show as the watermelon bananaman! watch for my star on the retard walk of fame soon!

jiayan is leaving for columbia university tomorrow! she will be studying in the land of the mad taxi drivers and the cheap hotdog stands! although i am happy that jiayan is soon going to be a classy coed in a kickass college, i am still going to equip myself with many tissues and cry embarrassingly at the airport tomorrow. because jiayan you rock my socks! i will miss you painfully until you come back next holidays and i will wait for you at the airport like an F4 groupie. God bless you and have a fantabumarvelous time in new york!



| mando | 5:12 AM

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Monday, August 09, 2004
rag day was pretty cool! i spent most of the time yelling "ayy! the dinosaur can move! it just moved in front! it just moved behind! it just moved in front again!" and looking at the back of people's heads. i am discovering that nus is made up mostly of giants. the medicine performance was really cute and there were many "eeeheee! ayeeee!"s coming from everybody (actually most of them were from me when the gingerbread men and their large heads started dancing). i liked the big boss ant guy whose eyes can change from angry eyes to friendly eyes! he's like mr potato head! anyway it was good and more power to the rag day dudes who didn't sleep and spent the whole night getting thrown around by candymen or wrenching ant legs into place.


the end of the performance! check out the gingerbread men with panadol shaped heads and also featuring yucai as left front ant leg!


vampy antlings or possibly little green things from mars, moira and amelia!


gingerbread babe lynn who is basted in glitter with immobile ponytails


candyman dehan and me feeling like i suddenly teleported into disneyland

and yesterday was national day and me and my dad were busying ourselves sitting in front of the tv watching the parade and rating the patriotism levels of all the ministers. ratings were given based on how enthusiastically they waved their flags and how big they opened their mouths during the national anthem and how many times they checked their watches during the parade. anyway no matter how hard i try to hide my patriotism, i always end up singing that home song out of tune with great gusto! and i choked up during goh chok tong's speech. never again will we have a prime minister who towers over all the other prime ministers at the global prime minster's dinner and dance. now that he is stepping down i will have to retract my idea to print a graphic t-shirt that says "my prime minister is taller than your prime minister".



| mando | 7:46 AM

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Friday, August 06, 2004
yesterday was the highlight of my week because there was the OC! thus revealing me to be one of the most pathetic people this side of the equator, with the exception of dudes who sit around and pick debris out of their toenails. but it is okay because although i am pathetic, i get to sit around for an hour basking in a warm glow of sethliness. this week on the OC, the producers try to shove a band called Rooney down our throats, nostrils, and our other various available orifices! i get it. Rooney is good. we should all love Rooney. we should maybe light a few votive candles and sacrifice a few virgin rock groupies and dance around the altar of Rooney while smashing guitars and wearing converse all-stars. luke has shown us all that having a gay dad automatically transforms you from being a Ken doll into a dork who has moments of severe mental retardation. but i'm suddenly feeling the luke love! i'm not feeling the oliver love, though. maybe it has to do with the fact that he looks suspiciously like satan. whatever it is, guys who look like the devil incarnate and who twitch periodically just aren't a big turn on for me. can't say why. oh and also he has a big nose.

tomorrow is rag day and the rag day people have been sewing and sticking and lindyhopping their asses off for it for weeks! i am going to go down bright and early to support them because dehan is going to fling girls in the air, moira and amelia are little ants, and yucai is going to be a large ant leg. the medicine performance also features kenneth and co's candycane castle in all its tinsel-laden glory, complete with indoor jacuzzi and billiards room! stay tuned for photos of rag day! stay tuned for very small and fuzzy photos of rag day if the zoom on my camera doesn't work.

my auntie is coming to visit from america tomorrow! her arrival will probably be followed by massive amounts of eating. waists will expand! shirt buttons will fly! Extrim will have to be bought in huge quantities! if the Extrim doesn't work, prozac and bigger pants will have to be bought in large quantities! i will now spend some time considering whether or not to get my stomach bypassed.



| mando | 7:09 AM

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Thursday, August 05, 2004
today we sold some flowers for tan tock seng hospital's AIDS recuperation centre. a lot of people were really generous and some purposely went to buy something to make change, so that they could buy a flower from us. i really appreciate that and i would like to give those people mucho smoochies but i would probably get arrested. it is hard to be selling flowers in a multilingual country because sometimes you get mixed up and you don't know what language to say your little 'please buy a flower' speech in and you start confusing malay ladies with a long string of chinese gobbeldygook. and i'm a mumbler, so i kept saying the speech too fast and i think i confused many people because nobody knows where on earth tock teng hospital is and why they should buy a dwo tollar frower. so anyway it looks like all the ogs raised a whole bunch of money for tock teng hospital, so let's hear a ginormous hoopee!

anyway tomorrow is rest day which means i can go and buy my grandmother's birthday present! i have no idea what to get her though so maybe i should just sew her another pair of blindingly ugly pants like i did before. she seems to like them a whole lot and i am still wrapping my head around seeing frangipani-printed zebra-striped legs walking around the house. i should get her a plant to add to her own personal forest, but her legs are getting too tired to walk around watering them. maybe i should look into a pair of bionic legs so she can bound effortlessly through the garden wearing a daisy chain and going 'tralala' while dumping massive amounts of fertiliser on her bouganvillea!



| mando | 3:11 AM

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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
i hate ambushing people on flag day. there are way too many flag days in singapore. i think there's a serious shortage of ten cent coins nationwide because all of them are being tongged into flag cans that are shoved into our faces two or three times every week. if people collected all the stickers from all the flag days they donated to, they'd be able to wallpaper their entire house with the sweet milk of human charity. being a flag seller on flag day is when you suddenly develop a severe case of leprosy and aunties and uncles and teenagers everywhere flee madly from you! not that i blame you for suddenly breaking into a quick sprint when you see my little can of doom, its just that i don't feel comfortable feeling like i just developed pustulent sores all over my body. if i were on the national sports and fitness council, i would actually commission more flag days, because it means the nation gets some much needed practise in speed and agility. one auntie today sidestepped me with the grace and speed of a professional rugby player! angela, caroline and me realised today that people like to stick their stickers in all sorts of weird places and twist around laboriously to show it to you so that you'll know that they've donated already. the list includes shirt fronts, bag straps, palms of hands, wallets, on the face of their watch, and the joint at the back of their knees. some guy almost smacked me in the face with his hand in his enthusiasm to show me that he already tongged money. flag selling is a hazardous activity! i would rather be cleaning the poo directly from the wrinkled asses of infirm old men!



| mando | 3:49 AM

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