Friday, November 26, 2004
my neighbours are drilling holes in their walls again. these neighbours, they really like the holey walls. and the best part is, they always seem to consult their almanacs to determine the exact week before my exams before they start drilling. how do these people know i am studying?? it's mind boggling. i was trying to absorb something about making fatty acids when suddenly the wall directly in front of me starts vibrating, leading me to leap backwards and fall off my chair making loud noises of panic and insanity. i am starting to feel resentment towards my new neighbours. especially since they stopped me from hacking into their wireless internet account.
anyway my lucky brother who just finished O levels just got an xbox! he was trying to play counterstrike, but i think he got a bit fed up with me because i kept pressing the button that made me throw away all the weapons i had, leaving me with a little dinner knife with which to mutilate the entire terrorist team. it's not my fault! these xbox controls are really hard to use! it's not my fault that i can't seem to run in any direction besides a straight line! i think that brick game is more my speed. i wonder if they have a $200 xbox equivalent of brick game. oh yeah. high times. it is getting a little hard to study with my brother downstairs making joyful noises with intermittent shouts of "shit!" and "yes!" and "hahahaha he died! he died!"
| mando | 9:32 PM
Saturday, November 20, 2004
it is exam season. the people i once knew and loved have spontaneously mutated into people who have knowledge. it's like they hold the key to the entire anatomical form of the human body, and they can insert the key into someone's belly button and immediately unlock the anatomical tabernacle and discover the brilliant wonder of the intestines. where have you gone, oh ignorance! how i miss you! and by ignorance i mean ignorance manifested in other people, not in self.
anyway since i have restrained myself from writing about the oc for weeks now, (which almost involved chaining myself to the wall with wrist-irons and hiring a retired circus lion-tamer to keep me away from the keyboard), i will now reward myself by allowing myself to engage in a long and splendid teengirl-gush about seth cohen. the scene with summer, seth and the yearbook was absolute brilliance. at the end of it i was bawling like a baby and executing a crushing illegal wrestling death-grip on my pillow. i am this show's bitch. i am going to spend a little time checking if adam brody and rachel bilson own shares in a tissue company. mischa barton has descended to new lows in which she can't even cry convincingly. dude, that's all you've been doing all season! i'm thinking about sending her a letter educating her on the finer points of emotional acting. ie : when you need to cry, tell the camera dude to zoom in on your face and surreptitiously pull a hair out of your leg when they cue you. i'm telling you, that's what professionals do. if you can get a hair out of your nose while turning your back to the camera, even better! it takes skill, precision, and it's definitely what won charlize the oscar.
today on our way home, me and my mom saw the car in front of us run over a cat. and the injured was twitching and flailing around on the slope like an energetic crocodile that just got really pissed off by steve irwin, and me and my mom started yelling and screaming like the mature, stable women that we are. actually i was doing most of the screaming, and my mom was trying to avoid both the cat and a maroon honda at the same time. i feel so bad for the poor dying kitty. i would have stopped, but i probably couldn't have done anything to help him. unless you count running him over once and for all to end his misery helping him. i'm going to see that little dying furry vermin body in my nightmares. goodbye little dying stray cat. i hope you're in a better place where they feed you ten different flavours of whiskers and that you have a huge supply of heavenly cockroaches you can chase.
| mando | 7:51 AM
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
oh the sweet smell of a P plate! i have finally passed my driving test! after months of flinging wads of cash like confetti into the hungry arms of the comfort driving centre owners, i am finally a fully-licensed ahmad. i am now supposedly obligated to drive various people to school and to orchard road and to uranus and back. like jasper the fuzzy legged ngoh
, who i am supposed to drive to punggol so he can indulge in the manly pasttime of dropping food on a string into the water and letting the fish steal the food from him. don't worry fuzzy ngoh! with your F1 standard skills you will soon join the ranks of the P platers and we can all go drag racing on the highway!
shawn has just realised that sammy the eel at the airport who kept us company while we were studying for exams is gone! he and his fellow aquatic amigos have been replaced by a pee-inducing fountain outside macdonalds. we will never see sammy the eel, shawn the stingray, spike the lionfish, and xingning's nameless one eyed restaurant fish ever again! we didn't even get to say goodbye. i feel like i've lost some of my oldest friends. i will never forget the way sammy the eel used to protrude from his little eelhole and look constipated. i will never forget the way shawn the stingray used to sit at the bottom of the tank and do nothing. i will never forget the way the airport cleaning staff used to clean the fishtank by sticking a toilet brush inside it and swirling it around a few times. that fishtank has brought us so much joy. and now all our best memories have been replaced by a meaningless fountain that does nothing but emit noises that make us want to urinate constantly. so goodbye, sammy the eel. i hope you have not been donated to the chinese restaurant upstairs to put in their special in-house teochew porridge.
today we went for our physician development programme at NUH, which means that we walked around disturbing elderly patients with diabetes and catheters sticking out of their pants. i have undying respect for the elderly patients, because if i was stuck in a smelly, hot, non-aircon ward with a hemorrhaging stomach and a catheter sticking out of my trousers, all i would say to a bunch of nosy students would be a long string of obscene things to do to themselves.
| mando | 4:35 AM
Saturday, November 06, 2004
yesterday me, carol, isaac, wayne, and zhongyang went to watch mamma mia! and had good seats thanks to wayne yap (never give up)'s mom! wayne's mom has got it goin' on! mamma mia was good! i used to hate ABBA songs. (cue guitar strum) i never thanked anyone for the music. (guitar strum) the songs they were singing. (guitar strum) i never felt the joy they were bringing! and now i.. i like ABBA! i like songs written by bearded swedish men wearing spangled lycra bodysuits with crotch padding! what has this musical done to me?? my life is ruined. anyway its about a girl on an island about to get married. she invites three of her mom's old boyfriends, who could possibly be her dad, to her wedding. chaos and disco dancing ensues. which in my book, are pretty much the same thing. it ends happily with a couple walking off into the moonlight, under an enormous setting moon. caroline pointed out to me that the huge descending moon looked like it was about to crush and horribly maim the lead character's boyfriend. sadly, it didn't. that would be the happy tree friends
version of Mamma Mia.
almost everyone in it was very good, especially the mom, who has the vocal range of three charlotte churches mashed into one pair of sequined tights. one of the three dads really annoyed me though, to quote bridget jones, he was one of those strange men who stand with their legs apart bellowing songs straight ahead, not knowing what to do with his hands. his hands were just twitching by his sides like nervous chipmunks. i think he may have tried to attempt a crotch grab at one point just to have something to do with his hands, but thankfully he didn't. so damn you, bruce roberts, soap opera actor extraordinaire, for distracting me with your annoying countenance!
and at the end of the whole thing, we were supposed to stand up and dance. and the bold and brave isaac stood up nobly and did the funky chicken dance for all to enjoy!
after the musical, we were so inspired that zhongyang decided that we should go to kbox and sing ABBA songs to each other. caroline is queen of ABBA songs. she also does a stunning rendition of barbie girl! and wayne kicks ass at Calcutta Taxi Taxi (venga techno mix). and we all rocked the wayne yap never give up song all night.
i had better get down to some studying! at the moment i am studying slower than a man with multiple hernias runs a marathon. textbooks have never been so thick! font sizes have never been so small! my brain has never been so engorged!
| mando | 4:56 PM