Friday, September 08, 2006
as you have realised, i have not been writing anything here for as long as a blue whale takes to gestate a pair of blue whale twin fetuses. this is not entirely due to the fact that i am slowly succumbing to what some people call "study". back in surgery, there wasn't much need to do any of that because when anyone asked you "so what do you think this patient has?" you would only need to answer "a mass." and when asked what the mass what, you would only need to say "a tumour. and possibly also a ball of strange mutant parasitic worms that he contracted while hiking in the appalachian mountains on his honeymoon." and you would get the response "excellent! i can see you will be a fine surgeon. let us now proceed to the cafeteria for coffee."

so the reason that i have not been writing is not entirely because of my transformation back into being an actual student, but it is also because everything that i want to write seems to be about the hospital, and everything about the hospital seems to be confidential. i feel like an FBI special agent who can't reveal anything to anyone, the strong stoic woman who comes home to her family of husband and two kids in the suburbs carrying a bag of groceries. her husband asks her "so how was your day honey?" and she says "well we've got a brand new shipment of water purifiers. i talked to some potential clients this afternoon and, gee golly, nobody seems to understand how important it is to have filtered water going into their system nowadays!" when in actual fact, she has been working furiously all day to cripple a terrorist organisation planning to blow up the Shuckey K. elementary school. i'm not saying i do exciting things all day equivalent to stopping terrorists. mostly i get doubtful looks from doctors and eat soft serve soya bean ice cream. but there are tons of funny things happening during the day that we can only laugh about with friends in a booth in a sushi restaurant, because if you put it on the internet, things would get messier than a greedy baby's diaper. but after keeping this blog for four years, and putting in great pains to design an artistic sock money banner for the top, i want to keep writing in it, but without getting sued. to this end, i will have to subsequently invent exciting yet believable stories about my day to keep this blog going.

for example, yesterday i was putting on my leotard, cape, and knee-high boots after hearing a broadcast about a fire breaking out in a chinese liquor store in little india, and getting ready to fly out the window when my mom reminded me that i had to pick up my baby cousin from nursery school. torn between the decision to save lives as well as salvage bottles of vodka, and to retrieve a screaming toddler from the kindergarten teeter-totter, i decided to do both. plucking my cousin from the playground and sticking a bottle in his mouth, i flew to the flaming shophouse and doused the fire with a seemingly endless stream of baby piss. all of a sudden, alien sealions began invading the country and started balancing motorcars on their noses and slapping the citizens of singapore silly. i sighed as i turned my gaze from the quietly smouldering liquor store to the large glossy whiskered creatures, who were now tossing a black beemer to each other in delight. another mission for another day.

inventing realistic stories that pique reader interest is really hard work. i think i would rather tell you about things like, the time when we asked someone about his visions during a period of delirium, and he told us that he saw monkeys climbing on his head. and then biting the inside of my cheek as hard as i could when my classmate calmly replied "i see. now, exactly how many monkeys were there?"


| mando | 6:03 PM

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