Thursday, October 31, 2002
BOO! today is halloween! and like i always say, there's no better way to celebrate halloween by organising a huge halloween party where you get your friends to stroll through a creepy funhouse and make them dip their hands in gross stuff that feels like organs. but we didn't have anywhere to do that, so we just did the next best thing which is watch a psycho killer take out 2 happy families and stick bits of mirror into their eyes. eww. red dragon is so freakin scary! i spent the whole movie with my knees blocking my face and my fingers in my ears and so i had no free hands to eat the free popcorn that ghim bought. i have the ticket stub! i'm going to print it on a t-shirt with the words "i survived red dragon" on it. edward norton is hot. anyway i hope ghim recovers from his trauma soon. and i also hope that jianyang recovers from ghim's fingernail marks on his forearm.

oh and i met wenqi and xingying at orchard. i havent seen them for so long! so we did the usual girl screaming and running towards each other and hugging thing. wenqi is gonna take a bunch of S papers. she's such a smartass! then we took a photo at the mrt, just like a bunch of pilipino maids!

now everyone is at jia-yan's house watching an very hard to understand japanese show with old chinese subtitles. xingning says she catches no ball. i'll watch some FRIENDS now and see if i catch any ball.

i also took a passport photo today. i hate passport photos. i have a shit-eating grin on my face and my face is really white. it's blinding. i look like a geisha!

| mando | 3:07 AM


Wednesday, October 30, 2002
i just got back from training, and thinking about it, i got let off pretty easy. no major fractures, no puncture wounds, no bloodstains, no sprains and no broken toenails. just a cracked pinkynail and a bruised ankle from falling on it 50 times consecutively. so here's a big thank you going out to the nice cockanaden taxi driver who was happily cheating our money by cheerfully going all the way around our pretty island singapore before finally getting to RI and making us miss prawn crawls and butterfly. prawn crawls and butterfly is when you lie on your front and drag yourself across a million mats using only your elbows. getting beat up really can't hold a candle to, uh, not getting beat up.

today angela crushed a wiffle ball during inter ct floorball! she's getting more like her loverboy every day.

| mando | 4:53 AM


Tuesday, October 29, 2002
we are in the computer lab doing some NE quiz. i thought that reading the coxford singlish dictionary would help me but it didn't! the only vaguely related thing inside the coxford was "gahmen", which is the proper way to pronounce "government". damn. now the gahmen won't give me any scholarship or employment opportunities because i dont know how many roads lead to malaysia! i can cross "toll-booth worker" off my job list now..

gen is trapped between GHIM and DICKSON, the two most charming men in the class! ooh.

| mando | 6:31 PM


i realised how much i miss watching sellavision. i really liked the way the stains just magically fade away and how they added in the fake sparkles to show how "clean" the wall is! and i like the amazed look on all those reject actors' faces when they find out what THE FRUITMAN(tm) can do for YOU!

i'm going to put in the lyrics to "mcdonald's girl" now. i'm not sure why.
I leave from softball practice every night
It's getting dark, but the "Golden Arches" light up the way
I turn the corner at the traffic light
I count my money and then
I rehearse what I'm going to say

"I'd like an order of fries,
a quarter-pounder with cheese,
I love the light in your eyes,
will you go out with me please?"

I am in love with a McDonalds girl
She has a smile of innocence so tender and warm
I am in love with a McDonalds girl
She is an angel in a polyester uniform

She doesn't try to impress anyone
She doesn't act all tough like all the other girls that I know
She don't treat me like a simpleton
She's not ashamed to be the only other virgin I know

When my hamburger's cold, I get up ready to go,
She's only fifteen years old, and I'm in love with her soul
She's got a gold tooth, you know she's hardcore
She'll show you a good time,
then she'll show you the door...BOY!


There she stands behind the register
She's taking orders from the Saddle River Little League
If they knew how much I wanted her
Their home-room teachers would have to send them home for a week
As I head through the door, the movement catches her eye
My heart begins to soar, she smiles, she waves good-bye
Good-bye, good byeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Uno, dos, tres, quatro Big Mac, Filet o Fish, Quarter Pounder, French Fries
Icey Coke, Thick Shakes, Sundaes and Apple Pies
Sing that song of taste
You can only find at one place:


hmm. i wonder if i have a smile of innocence so tender and warm.

| mando | 5:15 AM


Monday, October 28, 2002
my gawsh! the coxford singlish dictionary says that "care-lair-fair", the word which i have been using in a very professional-sounding tone of voice since i joined chinese drama, is actually cantonese for "movie extra"! it's not english! i've spent 4 years trying to spell it and it's not english!

| mando | 9:18 PM


today was a really boring day. we spent the whole morning hiding out in room 3-4 eating free cookies that miss hor bought for us and listening to presentations on very serious issues. oh, and reading MAD magazines.

then we went to macdonalds for lunch, where tziyang kept flirting with angela. when teachers were sitting somewhere around us. nice move, tziyang!

it's been a really boring day. i'm going to watch FRIENDS and pretend that i had an exciting coffee-filled day with lots of comfortable couches and lots of handsome friends making wisecracks.

oh yeah i did find a nice song called "mcdonald's girl" by the barenaked ladies! it goes,
"i am in love with a mcdonalds girl
she has a smile of innocence so tender and warm
i am in love with a mcdonalds girl
she is an angel in a polyester uniform"

oh and i also read a nice book called "the coxford singlish dictionary". apparently there is a 4 letter hokkien idiom that means "to literally be as close to someone as two testicles". very graphic. and "ali baba" means "to steal". for example, "oiehh! why you ali baba my fries when i went toilet arh??" its very informative. soon my parents wont know what the hell i'm talking about!

| mando | 4:24 AM


Sunday, October 27, 2002
ahh... my spastic quiz is finally up and running! thanks a million to kianleong the chicken poxed genius!

| mando | 6:58 AM


i just went to another drug talk, and i ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT! so the secret to universal understanding is actually to talk in an australian accent! whoaa! (out of point but i just held in a sneeze and i think i blew a little piece of pear up into my sinuses. owee.) Today they were talking about helicobacter pilori. which is a bacteria in your stomach. and it gives you stomach cancer! and you have to swallow urea to test for it. which is basically pee. oh and also there's a very sophisticated method of testing for the bacteria in your stomach. you swallow some string, leave the end hanging out of your mouth, let your stomach churn the string around for awhile, then pull the soaked string out again! isn't that really impressive? advanced medicine, ladies and gentlemen!

| mando | 5:04 AM


Saturday, October 26, 2002

Which Peeg are you?

i have no idea what this means. the only reason it's here is because i had to answer so many damn questions to get the final result and it was really hard work. i earned this stupid pig thing.

| mando | 8:57 PM


What kind of drunk are you?

| mando | 8:50 PM


i just got back from church. it's always nice when a foreign pastor speaks. i think the accent makes you pay attention. today we learned all about God's secrets. "God has many cigarettes for you. His cigarettes are neverending. He wants to share all his cigarettes with you." i spent a few seconds trying to figure out whether we had a chain smoking God or whether it was just his pronounciation.

| mando | 8:25 PM


hmm i just made a quiz but i can't get one answer to code for lotsa people.
guess what? jianyang took ghim's quiz but kept getting xingning for 7 straight tries before he managed to get... supanee! That was a good quiz, ghim, very revealing. Anyway, if you're bored enough, take my very inaccurate quiz.

| mando | 5:22 AM


Friday, October 25, 2002
dang. ghim beat me to making the quiz. and me and xinging and jianyang took it a few times and kept winding up with "your dream guy is GHIM!" somehow i think the quiz is rigged.

| mando | 10:22 PM


my gawd! ghim made a "which so3k girl are you most compatible with?" quiz! dammit! i'm going to make a "which so3k master are you most compatible with?" quiz right now! now! now!

| mando | 5:53 PM


| mando | 3:37 AM


Which finger are you?
Take the quiz to find out.

| mando | 3:29 AM


today i baked! well i kind of baked. actually i did all my mom's dirty work while she read from the cookbook. i opened cans, i sifted flour, i cracked eggs, i sifted sugar, i smish smash smooshed a lot of things into dough. and i ate a lot of cookie dough. yum. next time i won't bother baking it, i'll just eat all the cookie dough. it's baking now. hope it doesnt come out as some mutant blueberry strusel that slaps you around before you eat it.

yesterday i got a flier for a swimming class. "learn under UNCLE YEO'S PROFESSIONAL supervision." this guy sounds like a pimp already. "SPECIALISE COUCHING : WATER PHOBIA, HYPERACTIVE, SLOW LEARNER, DIFFICULT CHILDREN, LEARN BEFORE BUT CANNOT SWIM, CAN SWIM BUT IMPROPER STROKES, SHORT BREATH TIRED EASILY." "TYPES OF COURSE : non-beginner, beginner, intermediate, advance, SURVIVAL". "solve their swimming difficultires, teach them to swim PROPERLY RELAXINGLY COMPETENTLY".
"couching"??? "where's the pool?" "no, no, there's no pool. uncle yeo is going to teach you on the couch..." aiyee! little children beware!

oh yeah go to for some engrish resson. vely funny.

| mando | 3:10 AM


Thursday, October 24, 2002

Which Firearm are you?
brought to you byStan Ryker

hey i've got a telescope and a knife thing! that means i can shoot, stab, and look into the window of the men's gym changing room all at one time!

| mando | 7:57 AM


aiyee! kianleong the chicken pox boy just told me what he looks like. he should put his picture on and he hasn't bathed since sunday! sunday!!! that means he hasn't bathed for a total of 5 days! 5 days!!!

| mando | 7:49 AM


Wednesday, October 23, 2002
yesterday, before yang guang lie che ended, i was so pooped that i fell asleep! and i woke up this morning feeling sick. and now i'm at home and can't swallow and everyone else is living it up in school, watching happy tree friends. and going bowling later!

my brain probably got warped with being too hot, and so today i started reading "pride and prejudice" for the fifth time, and i made a breakthrough! i got to chapter 5 before chucking it somewhere and now i don't know where it is. i've never gotten past chapter 2 before! ain't ya proud of me?

| mando | 9:47 PM


oh in yesterday's yang guang lie che, they showed ann kok having a weepie in the toilet, then the next minute you know she's lying in a hospital bed and her leg is gone! this is horrible!

| mando | 5:02 AM


just got back from watching "the impotence of being earnest". it's a classic, just like "good will humping". rupert everett is char-ming. there's something about men with long faces, nice cheekbones, cheeky eyes and an english accent. (refer to picture below). and when you watch those 2 flouncy women in the show, you'd think they'd use words like "wouldst" and "henceforth". but noo. they go "i really like his hair". cool! its legally blonde, but with an english accent!

today we found out a lot about mr lee tat leong's wife, who looks like a prc (which should make the prcs in our class really happy). and we went through his wallet! and he spends over a hundred bucks on coffee! and another four hundred bucks on i dont know what else. and we thought teachers weren't nicely paid. scrap the tai tai idea. i want to be a teacher! long holidays... hundreds of dollars of coffee...

| mando | 4:56 AM


Tuesday, October 22, 2002

Are you a Spike addict?

brought to you by Quizilla
wow. i'm shocked.

| mando | 5:24 AM


What kind of porno would you star in?

brought to you by Quizilla
naked alice in wonderland? eww.

| mando | 5:21 AM


which eye are you?

brought to you by Quizilla
hmm jasper's favourite quiz. i am smart! ooo. i like these quizzes. :)

| mando | 5:11 AM


ahh crap! yang guan lie che (the morning express) cut out so much of ann kok as the goody goody cancer patient flat-chested student! and put in so much of fann wong acting like a shrew and kicking chen hanwei all over the screen! she was such a nice actress before she became a total slutbomb and wore that wonderbra with the canary-yellow PVC pants (which is a deadly sin all by itself). As the old saying goes (the old saying which i just made up), "why did ann kok not make movies? cos she went and did her boobies!" and they cut out that gangster guy! dang! and they put in so much of chen hanwei's crazy father trying to beat people up and getting beat up instead! this is an outrage! i'm watching again tonight and they'd better put in more of ann kok crying her eyes out and trying to hide her illness from her sister!

anyway just got back from a nice workout (actually just a 10 minute thing on that cool stairmaster thing in the gym) with angela and xingning and jianyang who didn't do anything and just sat around looking at people's legs. it's very demoralising doing anything PE-ish with angela. we played basketball today and it was like there were 10 angelas and they were everywhere on the court!

oh xingning found this 2 mini-spatula set at the shop near my house to SCRAPE SCRAPE things with. they only cost $1.90! and there's a "no questions asked guarantee!" i wonder what questions you'd have to ask for SCRAPING things.

i need books! the alchemist is really really really really really i cannot say how really really boring. sorry ghim. i finished the lovely bones already. and now we're allowed to read books all through GP. i tried to find books today but they were all crappy and i would have not many money after buying them. so no buy. oh yeah i got an a2 for GP! thank God. absolute miracle. anyway today in the bookshop i was looking at "rich dad poor dad". you know what's the real way to retire young and retire rich? sell a book on how to retire young and retire rich to a bunch of very optimistic people.

| mando | 4:45 AM


Monday, October 21, 2002
i hab a code. i hade habing rudding doses. i hab doo sdiff and sdiff and sdiff and sdiff ad id's baykig bee dizzy. i ndeed a dissue. i ab now readig "the redembtion of althalus". sdiff. id's gwite dice. bud dot as dice as "the bordig egxpress" od chaddel 8 which i ab goig do watch dow.

| mando | 7:36 AM


hoo, ngoh and ting have just left my house after watching more south park, and the FRIENDS episode called "the one with the free porn". xingning laughed until she fell through a hole in the bed! and now after today i finally know the REAL reason why shawn likes stuffed toys. i doubt it's because they're cute and fuzzy. sorry shawn. hehheh. shawn also cut his hair today. he went to a malay barber and told him to cut however he wanted. and now shawn has no sideburns.

today was -dramatic death noise- results day! i got some grades which are A B B C D. I hope i get an A for GP so i can spell BABCAD. whatever that is.

congratulations to jasper for getting an A in math! now you can opt out of math tutorials and never see the young and frisky face of Lui again! congratulations to yucai for getting an A in bio! what else were we expecting right? -yawn-. congratulations to shawn for getting an A in math! congratulations to yuxuan for being a complete genius who is eventually going to take over the world!

somehow yuxuan and the rest of the megabrainy china scholars found themselves very popular today.

both xingning's chicks, salt and pepper, have passed away too. -more respectful silence-

today on the MRT these two caucasian backpackers, a guy and a lady, got on the train with their backpacks that me and xingning could hide in and still have room to be comfortable and have a big screen tv and a jacuzzi in it. and they sat on opposite sides of shawn and jasper and squished them with their backpacks. so the two boys got up and let them sit next to each other. and then they started this huge display of very very inappropriate public-display-of-affection! the backpackers, not the guys.

jasper left his book behind. its as thick as an oxford dictionary and it's called "the redemption of althalus" and it has a lot of funny names in it like "althalus" and "smeugor" and "Khalor". if you typed the whole book into microsoft word, you'd have a hell lot of spelling errors.

| mando | 4:51 AM


Sunday, October 20, 2002
have i told you how much i don't like computers? my uncle just came to try killing my computer gnome and it's twelve midnight and he just left. and the computer gnome is dancing around inside my computer drinking beer and pulling his pants down and showing me his hairy white gnome ass!

| mando | 8:51 AM


yesterday jianyang repaired the 20-year-old broken string on my mom's 20-year-old guitar. we had to keep pointing the guitar away from ourselves in case the string decided to snap and give us a nice juicy slash across the face! -whappah!- so today, i thought, ok let's follow some easy chord things in the scores i copied from the esplanade library. and guess what? i suck! biig surprise.

did i tell you that i have a computer gnome in computer that thinks its really fun to shut off and restart my computer whenever he likes? mostly it's when i say "stupid computer!" or "bad computer!" or when i've just typed a really long blog entry and am just about to hit the "post" button. yesterday it kept doing its computer-gnome thang at 5 minute intervals. what a whole big bunch of NOT FUN that was! so now i have to keep saying "good computer!" "wonderful smart computer!". "gee, it's so impressive the way you keep shutting down at the most inconvenient moments!" i hope that keeps it pacified til i get an exterminator.

i have decided on my life plan. it's inspired by the tai-tai/ex-doctor that i met yesterday at the free dinner. i'm going to get a little doctor degree, then work with my husband, who will also be a doctor. then i'll start working less and less, "because of the kids", and "because of my complexion", and then i'll gradually ease my way into an early retirement. sounds like a good plan, huh? i'm going to draw up some diagrams now.

| mando | 4:53 AM


Saturday, October 19, 2002
aha! see? told ya it would be a good day. anyway today jianyang jianbang yucai xingning and shawn came to my house for a really unhealthy south park marathon interspersed with a very educational viewing of american pie. you get very interesting outcomes when you watch american pie with a bunch of guys. "and this one time? at band camp?" Judo camp is never that fun!

in the evening my mom brought me with her to this heart failure talk with a free dinner. which translates as just "free dinner" for me. i really had to earn this dinner. two hours of what resembled a biology lecture but with a lot more body parts that i didn't know existed. apparently when you have heart failure your heart swells and you kind of die. i guess having a big heart isn't really that good after all. and there's this machine that's supposed to suck something out so your heart becomes smaller? but it was a little too effective and ended up sucking someone's heart out. let's hear a cheer for modern technology! and i learnt about spirolactosomethingsomething, but i have no idea what it means. how the hell am i going to make it through medical school?

so anyway, i thought the dinner talk would be in stuff that was out of my league, and they'd keep talking about body parts which i didn't know the name of. but they ended up talking about soap operas. and here i thought that all doctors were like george clooney and noah wyle. burst my bubble. the guy on my left, i had him pegged as a hospital contractor, but he turned out to be a cardiologist! i have no idea what else to say here.

so anyway, during the talk this guy kept making medical-type jokes. when we all got hungry for the free dinner and he made a mistake in his speech, he went "hypoglycemia really does terrible things to the cerebral cortex!" and the whole dining hall erupted with learned laughter! oh ho ho ho ho! ah ha ha ha ha ha! hee-larious!

| mando | 8:18 AM


Friday, October 18, 2002

when you see spike first thing in the morning you know its going to be a good day.

| mando | 5:41 PM


the internet junk 'how dumb are you test' deems me:
50% dumb!

overall you are not dumb, you are extremely focused and live your life by a plan, though others might see your single-mindedness as a dumb attitude

oh no! i'm stupid! but rich.

| mando | 5:28 PM


tale of two chicks [finale]

ferdinand opened his eyes and looked around. "hey gregory! dude! where are we?"
gregory opened his eyes and looked around too. "I don't know, but nobody's peeping and yelling 'frick and frack' anymore."
He looked to his left. "hey, where's all that brown wall stuff that used to be here?"
He looked to his right. "weird. all i can see are clouds and a lot of pretty lights."
ferdinand pecked at a cloud. "dude! these cloud things taste like caviar!"
Gregory peered down through the clouds. "hey look! it's a little brown square thing! i think we used to be in it! Whoa, that thing sucks."
Ferdinand pecked at another cloud. "Holy crap! Chardonnay!"

| mando | 7:02 AM


today was rjc open house day! it was a happy day, because it meant that i could get up late and go to school late and not have to stand in line at assembly and wait to get a white slip for my untucked-in shirt or unwhite socks. when i got to school i headed for the indoor gym to do judo demonstrations. and i smacked up my nose, abraded my foot, and when i was letting people throw me, my spine got smooshed a little. and walking around barefoot amongst a big crowd of hard-shoed sec4 kids isn't exactly the most nobel-prizewinning idea. all it will get you is squished toes and feet with a bunch of nice sharp stones stuck in them. and here i thought it would be a wasted day! when the guys were promoting judo to the sec4s, they kept telling them it didn't hurt at all. well i'm not saying that i wanted to throw them across the field at that point. across the gym would be nice too.

after open house me, gen, xingning, jasper and ghim took a bus to ikea (eye-keeyah? eekia?) to eat $1 hotdogs and swedish meatballs! you pay a dollar for a hotdog and you get a free flow of sauce that comes out of these six squeezy tubes suspended from a bar, which reminded me strangely of the goat farm during milking time. so after they let us at the sauce we had more sauce than sausage. yum.

| mando | 6:40 AM


oh another quotable quote from the venerable, world-renowned Mr. Lee Tat Leong. "Life is interesting, everywhere and anywhere." use it in your GP essays, boys and girls. it's a guaranteed A.

| mando | 6:29 AM


Thursday, October 17, 2002
another moment of silence

frick is dead too. i just checked on him an hour ago and he was sick, and now he's just sprawled out on the floor. no wonder he wasn't attacking me today like he used to. three days and my chicks are gone. three days ago i was thinking how nice it would be to watch them grow up into nice fat fluffy white quails! i didn't even have time to see if they were male or female! i think i'm going to be a bad parent. i really liked those quails.

| mando | 4:55 AM


today we went bowling again. on the way there we saw an indian movie poster with a very deep caption. "known... is a drop. unknown... is an ocean." It just bowled me over. with laughter.

and in school today i helped do the judo board. we were taking down the list of names of the judo committee 2001, and under than list we found... the list of names of the judo committee 2000! and so we took that down too. and under that, we found... the list of names of the judo committee 1999! it's like a freakin time capsule! so we stuck all the lists to the back of the list of names of the judo committee 2002 and pasted it back up on the board. it's a really heavy list now.

| mando | 4:00 AM


A moment of silence please

well i don't think i need to worry about differentiating frick and frack when they grow up and moult, because frack has just gone to a better place. i hope quail chicks go to heaven. i should've known. the whole of yesterday, frack kept closing his eyes and doing these choking movements, and he was walking funny. i'm pretty depressed. i just started singing to them yesterday. maybe that's why he died. frick looks sickly too. i think he either caught the same disease or is dying of grief. but frack had so much to live for! there was so much in store for him! granted most of those things involved quail soup or fried quail and quail eggs, but still. i hope nothing like that happens again if i get my hamster.

| mando | 3:55 AM


Wednesday, October 16, 2002
chick update

frick keeps jumping on frack and crushing him. at first i thought they were just snuggling, but now i think frick has murderous intentions. "this box ain't big enough for the both of us, frack." and now frack keeps walking funny, on his haunches. i'd better eat frick first.

| mando | 9:13 AM


Tuesday, October 15, 2002
i went shopping for my cousin's overdue birthday present today, and i bought her a brat. it's an incredibly big-headed doll on an itsy bitsy perfectly-proportioned body, and it wears way sexier clothes than anybody i've seen. they are "the girls with a passion for fashion", and i got her the asian girl, whose name is jade. she says "hey! my name is jade! my friends call me 'kool kat' because i love cats and because i'm cool!" well just look who's little miss speaks-the-obvious. The rest of "the bratz pack" is made up of 'meygan', the white trash doll with too-dark lips, 'cloe', the baby spice doll, 'yasmin', the latino lover doll, and 'sasha', the bohemian black doll. these are the most bimbotic dolls ever made for little kids. luckily my cousin isn't a little kid.

i will so never ever carry a shoulder bag with a skirt. when you walk around the skirt keeps getting shoved to one side by the bag, and i swear by the end of today at least 20 people would have seen what was under my skirt. luckily it was fbts and not granny undies! ook! and i have a pretty deep dent in my shoulder now. damn shoulder bags! damn shoulder bags!

| mando | 11:44 PM


little vicious' reign of terror is getting a little too much for my liking. his web started out about 10cm long. i was like, ok i can stand a little spider with a 10cm web in my house. and then he got a little more productive and expanded his little spider kingdom to 20cm long. and i was still like, alright, a 20cm long spider world doesnt bother me, nope, not at all. and now his web is about 40cm long and it has no dead flies in it whatsoever! that was the last straw for me. a spider taking up 40cm of my nice, previously-spiderless house is just 20cm too much for this girl. and low spider productivity! i think i'm gonna have to kill him. and feed him to frick and frack.

| mando | 6:57 AM


you are the second youngest girl. you die with carbon monoxide posioning.

you are a rebel, you have sex on the roof, smoke, stay out later than told..

you're mom made you burn your rock records... you were the beautiful one.

you're a stone fox and by far most people's favorite lisbon girl.

what lisbon girl are you?

(brought you by april)

i have sex on the roof? dang! nobody told me!

| mando | 6:36 AM


lucky you. you were what every child should be.
carefree. optimistic. and happy.
what kind of child were you?
(brought you by april)


| mando | 6:17 AM


i swear these quails are like babies. this morning, when i called xingning to remind her about breakfast at gelare (best waffles in the world baby!), i was like "are you up yet?" and she sounded like some weary, sleep-deprived single mother. she went "yeah, yeah... i'm up feeding the chickens..."

so this morning walked out to gelare to eat waffles with vanilla caramel ice cream and syrupy syrup with xingning! realised that i live so close to a bunch of cafes and go there once every school holidays. so there's a new counter guy at gelare every time i go there. yummy. not talking about the waffles.

learnt a new song today with my scores that i painstakingly photocopied at the esplanade while jianyang was warming his frostbitten hands on the hot-off-the-photocopier paper. go to the lea salonga page to listen to some quality vibrato!

| mando | 5:49 AM


Monday, October 14, 2002
i think my quails think i'm stupid.

| mando | 10:24 PM


tale of two quails [pt1]

"Frick and frack! Frick and frack! Peep peep peep!"
The first quail looked at the other one. "What's she saying, dude?"
The second quail looked at the first quail. "Dunno man. Think it's some kind of weird human language or something. I'm ferdinand."
The first quail pecked at a crumb of something that looked and tasted like sand. "I'm gregory. What's that hand doing?"
The index of the hand was dipping itself into the capful of water in the box. "Peep peep peep, drink water like this! Peep peep peep!" said the voice.
Ferdinand scratched his head. "Man, what is that thing doing?"
Gregory cocked his head. "I'm not sure, but it sure doesn't know that we've been pissing in it all night."

| mando | 10:19 PM


it's only been 2 hours and i think i'm getting quite attached to frick and frack. i think maybe i'll let them die of old age before they become roast quail. but i guess my grandma thinks that if it ain't struggling, it ain't fresh! they're all cuddled up together on the heat pack and they look dead, but i poked frick and he woke up, so i think they're going to make it through the night.

| mando | 6:29 AM


today i went on a "learning journey" with my class to the goat farm, the quail farm, and the frog farm. and i came back with frick and frack, my two new little quail chicks! they're both little and yellow now, but they're going to grow up to be big and white. i brought them home to show my grandma, and her immediate response was "so cute! aiyo! so cute! next time can make soup!" frick is totally blond, but frack has a brown spot on his head. if they start moulting and both turn totally white, i think i'm not going to be able to tell them apart. they keep peeping, which is driving my mom crazy because when she watches zhen1 qing2, its like "why -peep- did you -peep- betray -peeppeep- your husband?" "well -peeppeep- you shot -peeppeeppeep- my uncle!"
at the goat farm, we saw a whole bunch of nanny goats (does. D-O-E-S, says mr goat farmer man.) with boobs that would make pammy anderson look flat! but that whole milking every morning has got to be a downer. plus all the sagging. and there are 5 male goats (bucks. B-U-C-K-S, says mr goat farmer man.) to 350 female goats! what a life. one for every day of the year. could practically see some of the guys planning to come back in their next lives as a male goat. Oops, buck. the biggest buck was kept in quarantine. i'm guessing because he was really horny. it was fairly obvious that he was really horny. the kids (K-I-D-S, says mr goat farmer man.) are really adorable and they keep chewing on your fingers. xingning's skirt got slobbered on. this is why i never wear skirts to farms if i can help it. when my uncle had a farm, even wearing pants was a disaster. when i was six and went to my uncle's farm to ride the horse, it walked a few paces and stopped. and i was kicking the horse and yelling at the horse to make him move, and the horse started peeing. apparently horses don't pee on the go.

| mando | 4:17 AM


Saturday, October 12, 2002

miss saigon!

| mando | 10:48 PM


my brother's voice just broke! he was talking to me the other day and i asked him if he had a sore throat. then he was like "(scratchy-trying-to-get-manly-vocal-cords-in-order-voice)no." just a few hours ago he was whining, and now a few hours later, a man with a scratchy manly voice is whining!

| mando | 10:38 PM


oh and on the way back on the mrt, i was standing in front of a row of seated kids. and there was this little girl about 5 years old who looks like shu qi! little kids are getting more and more precocious. and she had the sexy hongkong pout down pat too. last time kids used to be innocent and retarded looking! what happened to those precious days? and there was this little boy who was about 4 years old reciting tang poems loudly with a china accent non-stop throughout the whole trip. and the only one i knew was "chuang qian ming yue guang"! i am suddenly very motivated to study for my chinese A levels.

| mando | 10:02 AM


today i put on makeup to take graduation photos with my cousin. i got to wear his mortar board thingy! and i think i'm allergic to eyeliner because i went out with the makeup on and my eyes were smarting like crazy at one point. my grandma shoved us out to the garden to take pictures with the flowers and she was shoving us around on the soil trying to get us to not block the flowers and then she tripped over her watering can and rolled around on the ground! poor grandma.
so we went to the esplanade today to watch the free performances and free fireworks today, but after a lot of confusion and many many phone calls involving poor gen and poor jasper saying "what???" and "what the hell???" very loudly, we went bowling and went to see the fireworks from behind a lot of tall bushy trees. i bowled 116. yay! and gen racked up 136 points! whoa! and ghim violently threw a lot of bowling balls around.
the fireworks were cool. they were coming right at you! you know those kids who watched pokemon and had epileptic fits because of the colours on the screen? that was the fireworks! and then a bunch of scared birds flew by and everyone was going "ooh". i bet they've never had so much attention before. and we were waiting for the starhub blimp to blow up if it got hit by a passing firework. the blimp guy flew towards the fireworks and hovered there, then flew off when they ended. he has the best job.

| mando | 9:24 AM


Friday, October 11, 2002
south park and trix is comfort food. after watching 3 episodes of south park, i have a headache, but the mightilypissedoffness is beginning to go away. now i'm just mildly pissed off, and the headache has a little bit to do with it. anyway they just said the word "shit" 161 times in a single south park episode! whoa! isn't that something.

tomorrow i'm going to go to the esplanade to experience more of a little piece of heaven. heaven is a bunch of musical books and cds and scores and going outside to a FREE concert and FREE performances and FREE fireworks!

| mando | 8:30 AM


i am mightily pissed off. i am so mightily pissed off that i'm thinking of changing my nick to mightilypissedoffbit. guess why? today was the last day of my exams! and they decided to cap off the whole "i'm-so-freakedyfreaking-stupid" week by giving us the hardest most impossible-to-do chemistry exam in the whole universe! well maybe it wasn't hard. maybe 99% of the (singaporean) rjc population is just slow and pretty freakedyfreaking stupid. i don't think so. i was going to go home after dinner and put on my comfort clothes, which is this too-big-for-me gray new york t-shirt, and this pair of gray pj pants. and i realised that i wore my comfort clothes yesterday night because i was trying to comfort myself because i didn't want to study anymore. have there ever been so many reasons to say a lot of vulgarities? if there was a vulgarity day, this would be it. 11th of october, vulgarity day. curse your teachers! curse chemists! curse borders the bookstore for making "the lovely bones" so damn expensive!

when i was walking out of school today i heard this bunch of screams coming from outside school. i was thinking, #1, they suddenly built a theme park outside the back gate without telling me, or #2, there are a bunch of girls who climbed up a ghim moh block of flats to commit mass suicide because of the chemistry paper. i was going for #1 a bit more, because anyone who wants to go would go in style from the top of the westin and not a crappyass ghim moh block of flats. and because i want to ride the reverse bungee.

| mando | 6:32 AM


Thursday, October 10, 2002
i just saw a picture of alicia keys with cornrows, which are the little skinny braids that black people do, and they look really cool! you braid your hair into skinny braids and put little beads on the bottoms of the braids, which takes about 6 to 8 hours, and you don't wash your hair for weeks... wait a minute scrap that cool thing.

| mando | 4:51 AM


ahh! today is the last chance i have to study! oh no! will i be able to take the months and months of not studying after today? YES. oh wait. i still can study for chinese and SATs and next year's common tests right after this! wowee!

so a bunch of us were wondering what we should do tomorrow after chemistry. (my cousin just came over and lent me "The Alchemist". psychic shit! i think i'll read it tonight in preparation for chemistry. and i will so get an A!) Neon bowling sounds good. its a whole night of radioactive fun where they turn off all the lights in the bowling alley and you get to play with these blinding bowling balls and blinding bowling pins that will totally screw up your aiming and you will never get a strike which sounds like the funnest thing in the universe! i'm not actually being sarcastic because i never get strikes anyway, with or without the balls glowing at you. the only way i ever get strikes is when there's a last pin teetering all over the place and i start stomping around on the ground until it falls over.

| mando | 4:45 AM


Wednesday, October 09, 2002

jiayan just sent me that. go see it!
today was chinese. tziyang was telling us about his essay. i wrote the same topic as him and it was about this mother who liked to help people a lot. what i wrote was that she was coming home from the market and saw this blind man and helped him. she helped him to a block and into the lift, and suddenly in the lift he wasn't blind anymore! and started to rob her. what tziyang wrote was that the mother was a divorcee, and one day when her children went out, a ragamuffin came to her door and begged her to let him stay. and the ragamuffin was a very handsome ragamuffin, so the mother and the ragamuffin flirted throughout the whole essay.

today shawn told me about bonsai kitty. it's when you stick a little kitty into a little square glass jar for a long time and it comes out as cube kitty! and it's a HOAX! phew. i'd hate to think of tziyang eventually getting bored with his little black kitty and sticking it into a little bottle and watching it come out as a sexy hourglass-shaped kitty.

| mando | 10:05 PM


hmm rebonded chest hair. that's a weird thought.
anyway am eating the most oohlala dinner ever. its almost more oohlala than those bronze men in the
'flex-all-your-individual-muscle-groups-while-coated-in-bronze-paint" event in the asian games. there's shrimp and tauhoo (but if you're going to treat me to dinner, nonono i don't like tauhoo at all.) and pork. and there's also south park! so, going to watch south park now.

| mando | 3:57 AM


Tuesday, October 08, 2002
well now let's tick "suck at maths" off my to-do-list... hmm...

i know you think because i'm here writing stuff means i'm not studying. you are wrong! tomorrow is my chinese exam. so i'm industriously reading The Joy Luck Club. i've already learnt "chun wang chi han" and "tao hua yun". i'm overcome by a sense of accomplishment.

today at ghim moh i saw an indian man. with huge bunches of white chest hair sprouting out of his shirt!!! eek! you know how lemongrass grows in long straight bunches? well picture a large patch of white lemongrass growing out the top of someone's polo shirt. eek!

| mando | 11:15 PM


whoopee! i just screwed biology! tomorrow i'm going to screw maths!

| mando | 4:06 AM


Monday, October 07, 2002
oh yeah almost forgot, today was the physics paper! i pretty much screwed it, and hopefully most people did too. (i'm sorry.) but i did do better than my common test in section A... i got 5 questions wrong this time (so far) and last time i had 5 right! yay! whoohoo! i'm gonna die!

| mando | 4:58 AM


today before eating a box of Frozz sweets i read the ingredients first! taking a leaf out of huilin's book. it contains sorbitol, magnesium stearate, barley mint flavour, approved food colour. (total ingredient list) nothing in there looked like it was supposed to go into your body in any way. and i ate it anyway.

and when i was in the toilet, this japanese lady was next to me at the sinks while i was tying my hair. and she was holding her hands under the tap for a really long time before she turned to me and asked me how to turn on the tap. then i was like "oh, you press this button here." and i pressed it. and she was rather amazed at how singapore could have such rural facilities. they're way too hi-tech in japan. their toilets have music that you can play if what you're doing in the toilet gets a little too loud. but then again when you play the music everyone else knows that you're doing something that's loud.

| mando | 4:51 AM


Sunday, October 06, 2002
tomorrow is my physics exam. and i'm here. so not doing physics. ladeeda. still not doing physics. -twiddle thumbs- phy-what? i'm eating the most yumlicious dinner ever! there's chicken congee with the nice mushrooms and egg, and macaroni salad. the not nice part of it is two pieces of mystery meat that are just sitting by their oily selves at the side of my plate.

| mando | 4:50 AM


Saturday, October 05, 2002
airport again today. today we had an "extra guest" called huilin, who is very nice and reminds me of phoebe from friends. she's vegetarian-and-fisharian and she can't eat meat or sugar and a whole string of other things. during dinner when i was busy chowing down on my oily, greasy, very-much-previously-alive chicken drumstick (popeyes!), she was like "eww... how can you eat that? did you know that it used to be next to the kidneys and intestines and innards of the chicken?" and xingning goes "uh.. i eat kuay chap, dear." and she goes "yes i eat liver too, it's the only part of an animal that i eat." (ahh. because liver isn't an innard.. hey. wait a minute!) "it's just like eating xingning or gen!" Hm. xingning wings. gen drumsticks. and jasper offered her a pizza fish (which are so little and cute but don't taste too good) and she turned the carton around and started reading the ingredients before she gave it back. apparently there was something in there that she couldn't eat. that is a girl with mucho self control. me, i can't look at most foods without putting it in my mouth.

recently there has been a shortage of eye-candy ang mor men at the airport. but an abundance of cute little babies that wave to me. i think we're sitting on the wrong side of BK. sigh.

i have figured out exactly how the airport toilet flush works. you sit down, a little red light goes on, and when you stand up, the little red light goes off, and after 7 or 8 seconds the toilet flushes violently! i hang out at the airport way too much for my own good.

me and xingning went for a jalan to the other end of the airport where we looked at the other aquarium. they have considerably prettier fish than our "changi orphanage" aquarium. they're about half the size of your thumb and they move really fast. and they don't look like they're going to chew off your hand if you put it in the tank. i seriously think that sammy is dying. of loneliness. the other fish don't seem to want to make friends - dammit can i stop talking about the freaking fish already??? when are promos going to be over???

| mando | 7:11 PM


Friday, October 04, 2002
Zhu has a blog! ahh!!! i must link zhu's blog. zhu is the absolute funniest person ever. i haven't been seeing zhu much because i haven't been going down to the alcove in the morning because LT1 (aka the wonderful world of china scholars) is such a good place to mug and sleep in the morning. So go to zhu's page!

| mando | 7:56 PM


oh yesterday i went to the aquarium and spike seems to have reproduced. the other day i only saw 2 lionfish, spike and hopefully his girlfriend or he would have a hell of a boring life in that aquarium. and then yesterday there were four! either spike has progeny or else the other two were just pretending to be rocks the last time i went. the lionfish can't swim straight! they're always in some funny cockeyed positions and i always think they're dead but then five minutes later they're in another place.

sammy the eel is getting old and tired. today he was in his little hole again but his tail was flopping around on the floor and not held high and proud like he normally does! poor sammy. go to jasper's blog to read more about our sammy!

| mando | 9:05 AM


hm i seem to have screwed up my page quite a lot. i'm so joining the hatehtml club.
anyway i can recognise most of the burger king staff already. there are the 2 young malay guys, 1 young malay girl, 2 old aunties who like to yell at each other (i think they're friends, but one of them is kind of deaf), and one pissy supervisor who has a hair loss problem.
oh i forgot to tell about my ghost experience yesterday! i went to the viewing gallery toilet alone, and i was quite creeped out, but i'm always quite creeped out when i'm alone. so i walked out of the toilet and managed not to get ambushed by bang and shawn. then they told me to shut up and kept standing in a constipated ambushing position. then i asked them who they were waiting for. and they told me they heard giggling coming from the girl's toilet. unless i was unconsciously laughing to myself in the toilet i think that toilet is kind of haunted.

| mando | 8:44 AM


Thursday, October 03, 2002
yesterday the airport was packed with non-easties! how cool is that? there was angela, bang, dehan, dickson, ghim, jasper, shawn, xingning and yucai. no wonder i'm not in the exam mood. i'm so screwed.

| mando | 6:58 PM


Wednesday, October 02, 2002
dammit! spike is a lionfish, not a scorpion fish! that stupid kid at the aquarium bluffed me!

| mando | 9:57 PM


i'm at home now! today was a good day to have cramps. i just hope they go away soon. like now.

| mando | 9:02 PM


oh yeah i forgot to mention that today was the GP paper. i was quite happy about my essay. i wrote the question "sport reflects nothing but a mania to win". I love questions that say "nothing but" and "always". all you have to do is just say NONONONONONODAMMITNO!!! and then you say why no. and then the points start rolling out. ka chingg!! i wrote that it reflects the mania to win because athletes take things like steroids and drugs and sabotage other nice athletes and buy over the nice judges. and also the bookies from the underground sports gambling syndicate just want to win money! aha! i thought that was a very unique point that nobody else would think of but now on retrospect it either sounds like a million people thought of it already or its an irrelevant point. but it also reflects lots of other things that i'm really bored to write all over again. but i wrote 2 sheets and a little bit. yippee.

| mando | 6:46 AM


today i visited sammy the eel in the airport aquarium on my way home. i forgot to write that sammy actually came out of his hole yesterday, and sammy is freaking huge! he could feed about 15 people! i hope shawn and jasper are not reading this. i think they have a soft spot for sammy. sammy swallows water in through his mouth and this little black hole at the side of his face starts to billow in and out. its a good thing sammy can't see how he breathes, because it is gross.
i have adopted the little spider that hangs near my head when i bathe. i think i'll call him little vicious. for the past week i thought little vicious was dead because he just hangs there upside down, but yesterday he started tying up this little fly and hinching him up on his web. and little vicious hangs upside down on the bathroom windowsil, which is coated in those dead little bugs which like to fly around the light, but he doesnt eat those. i like my independent spider.

| mando | 6:17 AM


today at the airport my friend jasper hung a bunch of bananas on the bk light. for it to ripen.

| mando | 6:11 AM


Tuesday, October 01, 2002
i should write a poem called "fine". then it'll be like, "fine", by me.

| mando | 7:44 AM


today the airport was swamped with hordes of malay families. you can always tell when there's a plane coming in from mecca.
anyway today in GP class we watched "mind of a serial killer" which is pretty much the only reason i went to school today. must learn to understand my inner self. CHOY!!! anyway. it turned out to be a huge flop of a documentary. we were supposed to be thinking of deep stuff about GP and i was just flabbergasted by the size of the serial killer's beer belly. "maybe he used his beer belly to crush his victims to death!" call me little miss priorities. but anyway i did pick up that serial killers are not driven by stupid things like revenge or anger and so they're rather psychotic and don't respond to fear or guilt or remorse. i am so glad i do not live in serialkillerville and that i'm not a prostitute. they're supposed to be easy targets.

| mando | 7:12 AM


daniel the yoda
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