Friday, October 31, 2003
just now me and my mom saw an advertisement with lil kim and her large mammaries (read : big fat silicone boobies). my mom was all grossed out and asked me why didn't lil kim cover those boobies up. i don't think all the cottonfields in the world could produce enough cloth to cover those up. maybe the cottonfields could team up with the silkworms and the lycra factories in a joint effort to cover up just one of them.
| mando | 7:51 AM
Monday, October 27, 2003
today me and caroline were interviewed by some straits times reporter about why people like to study at cafes. she asked for our names and i tried to tell her my name was mimi but she didn't buy it. so now i just have a fake surname which caroline gave me. what's wrong with mimi? i'll have everyone know that its a perfectly respectable hooker name. anyway this newspaper lady came up to us to interview us right after this other guy came up to us to ask why all the students were there instead of doing something productive like vandalising a police station. nobody likes us! nobody likes mimi!
yesterday my mom bought me some new hydration lotion! because i have "oily but dry skin". that is not at all confusing! anyway my father said he could see the fountains of water spurting out of my face after i used it and that if the newater supply ever ran out i should expect the PAP to start knocking on my door. cool!
| mando | 7:52 AM
Thursday, October 23, 2003
yesterday me and my family watched an indian movie. i think i may have ruptured my gallbladder from laughing. the people in there all like to shake their heads. they're all like, the groom is marrying my daughter, not her dowry. and then they shake their heads around. and then there's some kind of dramatic silence. then after a long time they shake their heads around. and then when someone suddenly decides to get married, everybody starts jumping around in the rice field. the indian guys don't get a fair deal because the indian girls get such nice dance steps and the guys get to jump around like monkeys with swords and banana leaves. anyway my father was a bit disturbed because they showed many scenes of indian dudes just walking around on a large amount of rice on the floor. then after they showed the ricewalking scenes they showed some other indian dudes walking around on a large amount of peanuts on the floor. the female lead looked like eliza dushku! the male lead looked like his head was carefully crafted from plasticine. anyway i had a very entertaining night.
| mando | 11:11 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
is it disturbing that i think that its weirdly satisfying to blow my nose?
anyway today i read about a stainless steel soap that can remove weird smells! the ions in it do something to the odors that make them go away! it removes fish, garlic, and even that weird smell that you get when you peel prawns that not even the juice of a million lemons can get out. maybe its invented by the guy who came up with the wearing magnetic rings to make you an immortal idea! anyway i want one. but they are very expensive. maybe i will just try feeling up some iron railings or a nice ladder or something and see if it gets rid of weird smells too.
| mando | 8:48 AM
Friday, October 17, 2003
wow being sick and breathing through one nostril for the whole night sure makes you feel like a pile of crap the next day! now my one nostril is all sore and for some weird reason my teeth hurt! and they feel very big! they're taking up all the space in my mouth!
| mando | 11:42 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2003
today my mom bought me a little carebear! its grumpy bear, who has a very pissed off look on his face. he's so cute. its like he's saying to the world, "i would give you all the finger! if i had fingers!" if you put his hands on his stomach, he looks like he has indigestion.
yesterday i was sitting beside a group of italian men talking in italian. and then suddenly i heard one of them tell another one to go do something obscene to himself! i would have cracked up but i was all alone and laughing to yourself is craziness. hee. knowing vulgar foreign words sure is fun!
| mando | 3:05 AM
Monday, October 13, 2003
hello sweet wallet! you came back! you're like one of those dogs who you leave at the grand canyon and then they follow you all the way home!
anyway tomorrow is our very last chemistry practical! after tomorrow i can finally stop burning off my fingers trying to test for gases! after tomorrow i can finally use my test tubes for something more useful! like for growing taugei maybe. its so bizzare that we have to go through this all over again. its like when buffy starts working at that fast food restaurant and her manager tells her she's working overtime. and she's all "another eight hours? after these eight hours? but thats.. many hours!" i feel your pain buffy, i do. i'm just glad some demon isn't chasing me around trying to take a bite out of my shoulder.
| mando | 8:03 AM
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
today someone made up a rumor that the pope was dead! and it turns out he's not quite. he must be pretty pissed. i wonder why every time a pope passes they find the next oldest one to take his place. they don't really have a very long shelf life that way.
| mando | 9:26 AM
Monday, October 06, 2003
today was the ultimate day of ballbreakinbullcrap. and not just because today was results day. because today a diabolical evil wallet stealer decided to remove my wallet from where i carelessly left it on the canteen table and not return it to me! oh my faithful wallet. why do you not return to me? is it because you are all old and falling apart and unable to hobble your way back to my side where i can take joy in spending your innards? or is it because you are being held in captivity by diabolical evil wallet stealer? if i ever find out who you are and if i do not know you or like you, i'd like to invite you to a up-close-and-personal get to know you session with my good friend mister fisty!
| mando | 5:02 AM
Sunday, October 05, 2003
yesterday i was reading something in time about teenage drinking and there was a little picture of a girl tilting a glass of beer to her mouth while holding a cigarette in the same hand. and i was thinking, gee that cigarette is awfully near her eye. what a deep thing to think while reading a current affairs magazine.
| mando | 8:29 AM
Friday, October 03, 2003
yesterday we went to the beach and got fried like a box of juicy crispy crunchy chicken wings! dehan brought three bottles of sunblock that had lots of almond oil in it. i think the almond oil was more of a marinade than a sunblock. anyway you should never go to the beach around noon if you don't have abestos feet. we tried to play some volleyball but the sand was so hot we all ended up dancing like crazy mexicans to stop our feet from getting char-broiled. ouchamagoucha! but anyway we had a bunch of fun and the boys terrorized a peacock walking around on the beach.
jiayan told me about the finale of the 6th season of buffy and my goodness what a crappy show its becoming. first season funny. second season good. third season was a blast! and then the writers were all "hey you guys nobody notices character development anyway. why don't we take a nice long vacation to cancun and let a computerised android write all our scripts?" sigh. at least giles is still sexy. i'm bored. video ezy better start renting out buffy dvds soon. or i'll probably have to resort to acting them out by myself using sock puppets. brrr.
| mando | 11:13 PM
Thursday, October 02, 2003
today my mom found my old exercise mat which i've had since i was 10! ahh my trusty exercise mat which followed me to p5 camp and laughed with me at all those stupid people who lay on the concrete floor to sleep at night! i've used it for every conceivable purpose besides exercising! so today i did many crunches! i forecast that tomorrow i will not be able to sit up! and yesterday during all the boring parts of dark angel i did a bunch of push ups. which, because it was dark angel, was a whole lot of push ups. i think i'll have the most defined muscles in the whole universe by the time the season ends.
| mando | 5:58 AM
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
i just watched the new season of dark angel a couple of hours ago and i was all "eh? she's back in transgenic prison? so.. the bikes are gone? no bikes?" because everyone who is not a salivating guy knows that the bikes are what matter on dark angel.
but then later on i realised that they replaced all the yummy bikes with some yummy guy! so naturally i forgave all the studio executives. bikes suck.
| mando | 11:23 AM