Thursday, April 29, 2004
just now i was so bored that i was watching happy tree friends
and i realised that i don't feel as amused as i did before. either i am now more mature and act like a ironhaired old lady who has many many things shoved up her butt, or its just naturally a more joyous thing to watch cute little animals getting chopped up and dismembered and getting their brains and intestines ripped out when you are watching with friends. ahh the good old days!
| mando | 5:29 AM
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
today i went to my medicine interview and i did it without getting lost! hooray me! and i get bonus points for not walking in the wrong direction AND for getting there in heels! the fact that i almost fell down two times is negligible.
after that i went to visit my friend in her nus dorm which looks like the condo near my house except that her place has more fish. if you look out the window there is a magnificent and glorious view of a huge junglish wasteland from which you expect a whole tribe of monkeys and chimpanzees and pygmy junglemen and the odd pontianak to pop out of. my verdict is that living at nus is something like living in the zoo.
| mando | 6:33 AM
Friday, April 23, 2004
just wrote about this little white duck dude called gugu. he has his own homepage at guism.com
. i wonder if guism is like confucianism, just with less confucius and more gu. what is the meaning of gu? find out after this twenty hour meditation marathon where we all sit around and go oom! they have a part of the website that describes stories of gugu. apparently there is no one story of gugu because there is not only one gugu in the world. for example, my brother's gugu may be different from your sister's gugu, and your sister's gugu may be different from his cousin's gugu. it is all starting to sound a bit vulgar. anyway check out the lips on this dude! maybe the patron saint of guism is fantasia barrino.
and while we're talking about american idol, why did america boot jennifer hudson instead of that archieheaded boy whose entire repertoire includes singing in one note and snapping his fingers fifteen thousand times in one song? and also i can't decide if diana degarmo is an overgrown cabbage patch kid or an escapee from a nursing home posing as a sixteen year old.
| mando | 7:09 AM
Thursday, April 22, 2004
today i went to cut my hair at my friendly neighbourhood hairdresser's house. while waiting for caroline to finish being beautified so that i could get my hair cut, i had a chat with my friendly neighbourhood hairdresser's husband and he told me about this woman called the hugging saint. apparently this hugging saint has hugged 21 million people to date, which means that she has probably hugged more people than all the barney dinosaurs in the universe. she must have very muscular arms! and also she must have very damp shoulders because when she hugs people, they all start crying. i didn't know if this was a good or bad thing, so i responded with a fascinated "hm!" noise. if i were the hugging saint i would start worrying about rheumatic shoulders.
| mando | 2:31 AM
Saturday, April 17, 2004
today my father bought a little walkman that can record sounds, presumably so that we can saunter around the house saying weird things to ourselves and recording them so that one day he can gather enough evidence to send one of us off to an institution. so spent half the day walking around the house saying things like "la la la" to myself and disturbing my maid by going "say hello! hello! eh say hello lah!". eventually she realised that saying hello was the only way to get me to stop disturbing her and i now have a very amusing sound clip of a high pitched voice going "hello teeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee!"
| mando | 6:39 AM
Friday, April 16, 2004
today i have been busily engaged at a hospice cleaning other people's shit. it is a wonder that they can poop so much when they eat so little. poor aunties and uncles. it must feel terrible to not even be able to turn on your side to look at the little birdies outside the window. or to look at the cute aide walking around wheeling the soiled linen trolley. if you want to turn on your side you have to call a nurse or a volunteer like me who will proceed to flip you over like a flapjack. i also spent half the day hauling little old aunties around and trying not to smush them. i now have to burn all the poopy smelling clothes i was wearing today. i have decided that when i get old and am unable to clean up my poop or flip myself over, i will take up copious amounts of skydiving and make sure the guy who packs my parachute has alzheimers.
| mando | 12:05 AM
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
yesterday i saw an ad for sarah brightman's new album. she is a very weird chick. she can't open her mouth without moving her hands around dramatically. you have to keep a ten feet radius from her when she sings. maybe that's why her new album is called harem. its so she can dance around like a crazy arabian girl flinging her arms around. maybe her next album will be called 'i am a bangra dancer' or 'octopus girl'.
| mando | 3:36 AM
Sunday, April 11, 2004
today is easter sunday! sometimes known as the my-redeemer-lives day or the eat-kinder-surprise day. we honor kinder surprise day in church by singing songs while choir members dress up as israelites and hang striped pillowcases off their heads and act out the crucifixion and the resurrection. our worship leader was having a bit of trouble singing. he looked like he was trying to keep his upper lip stationary. i think he was trying to keep his moustache from falling off in the middle of an easter hymn. anyway i am very happy that our redeemer lives! i am also very happy that i have an excuse to eat kinder surprise!
i think i am reading too many books at one time. i am currently reading les miserables, large chunks of the old testament, my brother's tintin book, xingning's copy of seven years in tibet, and the advanced theory of driving book. it is very confusing. soon i will wind up thinking that jean valjean built a large ark onto which he took a little white dog and sailed into the snowcovered mountains to visit his good friend the dalai lama but he used the handbrake instead of the footbrake and bashed into the side of a mountain and died the end.
| mando | 4:02 AM
Thursday, April 08, 2004
yesterday i went to sing karaoke with the judo girls at a sleazy karaoke joint. we sang such moving classics such as the ice kachang song which goes something like "red beans! big red beans!" and we sang shebangs with william hung accompaniments before we realised that the doors and windows of the room were made out of clear glass. we were a bit confused by the lyrics to the english songs because halfway through a series of nanana's in the mmmbop song, the screen told us to sing "an an an an an an". and also it is a bit funny to see shebangs blanketed against a background of hills and mountains with sheep running around and blonde girls in polka dotted dresses being carried around by long-haired topless men in short denim shorts. i laughed until my diaphragm almost popped out! we have to do this again.
| mando | 9:52 PM
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
yesterday i went with caroline to do community service. i never knew that you could be a pillar of the community by rolling crepe paper into little balls in a cold room with a group of middle aged women. i spent the better part of the day drawing sheep. i feel a warm community-serving glow come over me from sheep-drawing. yes indeedy.
this machine is psychic! the part about the boyfriend? so true.
| mando | 5:21 AM
Thursday, April 01, 2004
i am back from london and paris! i am also suddenly finding myself very sweaty and oily! ladies and gentlemen, i give you : humidity! which brilliant person decided to stick our little island directly on the equator in full blast of mr sun? oh yeah, right, God did. sorry. i take that back. but anyway the last two weeks was the coolest two weeks. ever. anyone who is within earshot of my shower (currently standing at a radius of 1km each way) knows how much of a musical theatre geek i am. since my travelling buddy was xingning, naturally we went to see a show every day except sunday. it was the lord's day. and besides nothing was showing besides chitty chitty bang bang. if i wanted to see a flying car i would watch teletubbies. so we watched chicago (and came out feeling fairly nauseous. i hate frances ruffelle. i hope the spit from the trumpet player's trumpet smacks her in the face during her next number.), bombay dreams (so good! it makes you want to be a shakalaka baby!), the complete works of william shakespeare by the reduced shakespeare company (the absolute funniest thing on the face of this earth! they did romeo and juliet very very fast, and somehow had time to do macbeth three times. and backwards! i realised that me laughing for two hours brings on a severe phlegm attack and i also left this theatre nauseous. but a good nauseous! when it comes everyone must watch it! and buy the highly educational programme, which has important timelines such as "1594 - 1616AD : William Shakespeare writes the Entire Works of William Shakespeare and then dies".), les miserables (the most fantastic thing ever put on a london stage. people sing! people are miserable! people revolve around the stage! people die! lots of them! we had an absolutely fabulous eponine, sophie ragavelas, who is very sparky, very talented, and so pretty. the blonde pretty dude from s club 7 was playing marius, and it is shocking that he managed to do his solo without the help of 6 other people! bravo, blonde pretty dude!), and the phantom of the opera (quite nice, but it was sung like an opera, so i couldn't figure out what they were going on about. for me, it was mostly "figaro!figarofigarofigaroMusicoftheNightFeeeeeeegaro! figarofigaroAngelofMusicfigarofigaro [crash of the chandelier] figarofigaro THE END! la la la la." but i totally understood the crash of the chandelier. very touching, that crash. yes indeedily.
sophia ragavelas : the ultimate eponine
now after that long and boring discourse about dancing and singing people, i will now reveal what you all want to know. were the guys there cute? yea, indeed i say : verily. oh, wait, you mean english people don't talk like that anymore? what? you mean most of them never did? dammit. so much for my attempt at authenticity.
so anyway we went to see the tower of london, where ravens jump around pathetically because their wings have been clipped. apparently if they fly away, a squirrel will sneeze somewhere in bristol one fine april morning and the whole tower will fall down. ravens are just big ass crows that look like they are on steroids. we saw a bunch of tall fuzzy hatted guys walking around. we tried to take a photo of them, but they wouldn't keep still. like they were trying to avoid us or something. how dare they tease tourists like me with these hard to capture photo moments! eventually i gave up and now i have a very boring video of a guy in a fuzzy hat walking around. anyway i learned that the king beheaded two of his wives. he also liked to chop off the heads of people who didn't like him very much and stick them on the spikes of his garden gate. charming fellow.
the all new fuzzy hat! guaranteed instant added height!
on saturday we went to buckingham palace to see the queen. unfortunately because of the numerous gate-scaling tourists i didn't see anything. after much jumping and much saying "ouchouchouch" because the jumping hurt the soles of my feet, we decided to hell with the queen and let's have a walk around her lovely park. so we ran around taking pictures of pretty flowers and feeding ducks and swans and the occasional squirrel. then we stumbled upon the changing of the guard procession coming down the very deserted other side of the park! without even trying! so, more pictures of fuzzy hatted men. luckily, this time they walked slower.
look, there's the queen! no, see see right behind that guy! yeah that guy! the guy wearing the thing! don't you see?
on sunday we went to portobello road market, which was very interesting. it turns out that if anything is really old, not working and has some sort of stain on it, it is an antique!
after that we went to hyde park and i chewed on a cornish pasty while watching people yell at other people from the top of ladders. some muslims and some christians were having a debate about whether god was one person. they talked and talked and finally the muslim came to the conclusion that there was one big god and one little god and some kind of mist that made friends with them both. the christians mostly became very confused.
a poor man who ran out of people to yell at.
and in between all that we went to see westminster abbey and st paul's cathedral and saw a whole bunch of dead english people. at westminster abbey there was a huge grave surrounded with bright red paper poppies. it was the famous grave of the unknown soldier. apparently if nobody knows who you are, you end up more famous than all your generals put together. what a large amount of sense that makes!
we took the eurostar to paris and immediately began mispronouncing a whole bunch of french. one of the words from my limited french vocabulary is "excuse me" and i happily started asking many people to excuse me even though they were not in my way. anyway it is a good thing that xingning has a good sense of direction. she'd be like "ok amanda, let's turn right at the next turning." upon which i would agree wholeheartedly and joyfully waltz off to the left.
we saw the catacombs and between that, westminster abbey and st paul's, we have probably seen half of the dead people in europe. the catacombs of paris is a huge underground maze which, in olden times was used as a mass grave because there was no space in the cemeteries and dead guys were busting into people's cellars, just like michael jackson in thriller. and which is also just as scary as michael jackson's current nose. after the french revolution, a possibly quite drunk french dude took it upon himself to arrange everyone's bones into neat little stacks and arrange their skulls into pretty patterns of hearts and crosses. presently the stacks are still there lining the sides of the passages of the catacombs and giving tourists like me the wigginses.
the head bone's connected to the, neck bone.. not anymore!
we also took a night cruise down the seine at subzero temperatures and after admiring the twinkling lights of paris by night, we spent the rest of the evening trying to find life in most of our fingers.
then we went to the palace of versailles and a french guide showed us around and let us see zee king's royal potty, which she still seems to find very amusing after a long time of showing people around the palace. queen marie antoinette didn't like royal life much, so she uprooted most of the rare plants around the house to build herself a little peasant theme park complete with chickens and became one of the poshest peasants in french history! anyway this whole europe story is getting too long. so the king had a very big house. his head got chopped off. yada yada yada. moving on.
on our way to the airport on our last day we saw a restaurant with a french name which we think may translate to "the food is dead". and a good thing too!
anyway the past two weeks may have been the best two weeks of my entire life! hooray for xingning my travel buddy who sometimes reads maps upside down but always gets us to where we want to go! and hooray for the intelligent french people who understand how many tickets i want and for what!
| mando | 3:30 AM